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I'm disappointed in my arranged marriage. Every other woman looks more beautiful than her...

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 September 2005) 6 Answers - (Newest, 26 September 2005)
A male , *PS writes:

Hi,

I got married some six months ago..I had seen my wife 2 times before saying yes to this relationship. Typically that happens in arranged marriages. I find every other woman more attractive and beautiful then my wife. She is an average looking gal will some dull features.

This feeling is causing anxiety in me and I am feeling depressed from the day I got married. Don't find this a convincing enough to go for divorce too as I have no problems from her nature.

Also as I am not impressed with her personality, hence I get very upset on small, small things that happen around me and feel lack of interest in life.

Really pissed off at the moment and don't know what to do.

Please help....

View related questions: depressed, divorce

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2005):

i understand you being a bit sad in an arranged marriage becuase i personally see them as wrong most of the time. i do not think you should be saying such nasty things about her. i dont know you so i dont know what you are like as a person BUT from your question you do seem very selfish and i think that even though she may have some 'dull features' it is you who has the worse characteristics.

i could understand more if you were saying you arnt happy cus you dont love her but saying you arnt happy cus she isnt good looking is just plain selfish!

i dont think you should be in this marriage so i would suggest a divorce - dont be horrible to her cus chances are, she isnt happy either marrying someone she barely knows. talk to your family but m,ost importantly talk to her. talk to her as a friend nto a wife and try some sort of comprimise.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2005):

you honestly do not deserve this woman, you were the one to accept this woman as your wife. stop being selfish and think if you are the right man for her. as this was an arranged marriage you are both in the same situation, look inside her you already say its not her personality thats wrong, you should appriciate the person she is and spend some quality time together to see what you have in common, and treasure your good times. LOOKS ARNT ALWAYS EVERYTHING!ps those who are pretty and know they are can be real bitches and take men for granted, dont go for looks go for there heart and whats inside

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2005):

Quite frannkly mate, you are the most superficial man who ever walked this earth! Did you ever once stop and consider her feelings in all this? What makes you think it is all about you? For a marriage to be successful, both parties have to make an effort. Clearly, you need to get your priorities in order. Hint: Looks DO NOT go on top of that list.

Good luck to you, best wishes.

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A female reader, Happygoddess +, writes (22 September 2005):

I have never heard such self-centeredness! I think you need to re-assess your perspective, my friend. Ask yourself "What can I do for our marriage" rather than pick apart the woman you are married to. Aks yourself "what is special about her"? rather than comparing her to other women!

I'm confused. Are you pissed off at her or yourself over the fact that you married her? Are you willing to be judged by the same measure that you judge her? Are you even casually aware that real beauty is inside a person? I honestly wonder, and I wish you good luck.

Hopefully you will change your attitude toward this poor woman or she is in for a miserable time with you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2005):

Marriage is a complex thing and a successful marriage requires a lot of different things. Arranged marriages work out for some, and some they don’t. While I respect marriage customs of other countries I will say, marriage is a life time agreement between two individuals. This is why I am a big supporter for personal choice.

You have two choices here and I opt for the first one. Learn to love the woman you are put together with, or if not, divorce her. Not sure if divorce is an option in your case, so I suggest you start really making the effort to communicate with her and get to know her. I can bet my bottom dollar she senses your disappointment and likely feels unhappy and pissed off herself, as a result. Instead of coming down on to her, because she's lacks certain traits you find attractive, take a positive step and encourage & support her to blossom, to bring out her hidden vivacity and inner beauty. Every woman possess that.

I think for you to say, she's not beautiful and her personality is dull is very shallow and self-indulgent of you. You need to change your attitude. Put the effort and hard work into this marriage and try hard to overlook the

"beauty" thing.

If this was an arranged marriage, then I assume your parents "helped' you make the decision to marry her in the first place. Did you not meet her prior to marriage? If you didn't feel an attraction to her, why did you agree to marriage? If you chose to marry her to please your family, get mad at yourself, not her. It's not her fault that you weren't strong enough to stand up to the folks and tell them you didn't want to marry this woman.

I'm not sure what your ethnic customs are in relation to divorce but if you can't get past this-you may have to consider divorce, especially before children come into

this union. Or...just learn hard to LOVE this woman.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2005):

End it if you're not happy. There's no point in keeping the marriage just for your parent's sake and you living a bitter life. Your life is your own and if an arranged marriage is not for you, your parents should respect that. Just apologize to her, and don't get depressed or angry about it. Have a talk with her and just say that this is not going to work out. If she questions you, explain to her your feelings, but do not bring up her faults/flaws.

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