A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Heya.For about a year now ive been seeing this guy and we get on really well and both really like each other. The only problem is he's 28 and im only 16. The age dosen't matter to me that much its just a few of my friends know and are really teasing me about it calling him grandad and perv etc. We are wanting to take our relationship further but i havent had sex before and just don't know what to do.I really want to, but at the same time i just don't know whether i should do it with him or not..please help x
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female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Hi
I was 18 and lost my virginity to a 29 year old. Some peole were surprised that I was with somebody older - If you get on, why not.
Although I am surprised that you have not already!
Don't worry about not knowing what to do, he will alright LOL
Although I am surprised he hasn't been trying it on already. Oddly If you are asking you are not sure, and have doubts. If you date him for much longer it is an inevitability hun.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): Hey whoever u r,i have no idea when this has been posted but i'm gonna help you out if ur still a virgin,if ur in love with this guy and he's in love with you cuz love goes both ways listen to his reasning and c if he's willing to wait on you,do not put out too early atleast go out with him for 1 yr or so and deny him sex if he can wait then he's ur guy and listen to what his intentions are talk to him about it and normally a guy that' speaks about havin kids is a guy that's going to stick around for a very long time.If he doesn't speak about kids he might be a player,but get to know him more.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Dont do it im 17 i lost my virginity at age thirteen to a twelve year old girl and it was one of the bigest mistakes that ive made wait till you really like the guy or find another boy closer to your age
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): What is the legal age in canada? He sounds like a pervert and a child molester. RUN!
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A
female
reader, dontworryiknow +, writes (9 November 2007):
 honey you clearly shouldnt because if you was sure you wanted to do it you wouldnt have come here
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Dont do anything if you dont want to. But if your addin in the age dusnt matter then maybe you think it does or maybe your worried what other people think, ignore what people say and do what you think is best, dont have sex with him because you think you have to x good luck x
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A
female
reader, maricssa  +, writes (6 November 2007):
You should wait when you are ready, and if he does love you, he should understand you and wait for you.
You are still young and for my opinion you should wait when you already have the age of making serious decision, at 18.
I feel if you dont wait and you guys relationship don't work, you might regreat.
I lost my viginity at 16 yrs old, almost one month to turn 17 and i do regreat. now I am with a sweet kind man and he is only 17 yrs old and I am 21, and we are very in love, how i wishing to give my virginity to him but it was the destiny that we couldn't meet early in our life. But now we are together happily....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Is it really: "the age doesn't matter to me?"
Are you sure it's not: "I'm attracted to him because of the age, and I probably wouldn't even have liked this guy if I had met him back when he was 16 too"?
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A
female
reader, thedirtybubble +, writes (6 November 2007):
 I'm 30 and cannot imagine having an intimate relationship with an 18 year old let alone having sex with someone that age. You have so much time and virginity isn't like Christmas. It doesn't happen every year. If he had any type of consideration, he would think about how your father would feel if he knew that a 28 yr old man is considering taking his 16 yr old daughters virginity. I mean, you are just learning to drive a car. he is either using you as a trophy or he is a sick pervert. A 28 yr old should be planning marriage, buying a house, starting a family, future retirement plans (if they haven't already) and a 16 yr old should be planning on graduating high school, buying their first car. When you are 28 my dear, you will understand.
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A
female
reader, Fade878  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 What does Mom or Dad offer on what they think is best for you and what will make you happy and bring you peace?The best place to go for such matters that involve something of high importance such as virginity is Mom and Dad. It is easy for anyone of us here to tell you and teach you our standards.But your standards should be as Mom and Dads are if not higher than society's norm.Personally I don't think it is a healthy adult man that knows what is acceptable that would look on a young woman, a teenager and lust and desire after her. You may have the body of a woman and may confuse sex with love and acceptance but physical intimacy should be saved for someone you know you will spend the rest of your life honoriong, loving. Your mind is not of an understanding of your adult potential. This cannot be a good choice that will bring lasting happiness. 45 year old you, with children, young daughters, may not be teaching her children to just go out and have sex with anyone they want. This is where wisdom and forsight become crucial. What do your parents expect and want for you, what would you want and expect of your children?If both realities are not in tune with what you want now, chances are it's not a wise choice.Virginity is something that can never be given back. It is a gift. Not all men are worth of such a gift, and not all men understand what a young woman's real worth is.Your worth is more than the standard of society. Your Parents have a clearer understanding of your worth than any person on this site.Being a Mother of two teen daughters, I would hope that any stranger would be advising my daughters to turn to their parents or trusted family member for guidance. Family have their child's best interest in mind.Parent's roles are to teach and instruct their children in all things. Even regarding sex, physial intimacy and when it should be reserved and for whom.28 years is a more life time of experience than 16. There is an unfair advantage to this. He has matured longer, experienced life more, and is of an age where he is secure in who he is and what he wants.If Mom and Dad say no to this, trust in them that they love you and want your happiness even if you do not understand where they get this wisdom.
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A
female
reader, Emmajane +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Personally, I lost mine to a much older man and I'm glad I did, because he was understanding, careful, considerate and experienced. This made the whole experience very special, and 4 years later my younger sister followed the same advice, with equally good outcome.
It's important that you feel ready for this, as you should not feel pressured (In my case I was the one doing the pushing) and you should do this only when you are ready.
I have little time for ages of consent which vary enormously over the world and in my view are arbitary and take no account of the individual. Nevertheless, if you live somewhere where the guy could get arrested for this you should be very careful. Where I epend most of my time (Italy) the age of consent is 14.
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A
female
reader, peaches83 + ♥, writes (5 November 2007):
 You sound realy unsue of whether you want to take this next step.
Losing your virginity is a big step for any person adn you have to address the reasons why you have doubts?
Is it because its your first time and yo are unsure of what to do?
Is it because you feel like you are getting grief from your friedns by their name calling.
You will know when you are ready. Dont do it becuse you feel you have to and dont not do it becuase you feel like you would have the name calling.
If you are unsure voice your opinion to our man and explain that you are scared and that if and when you are ready you would like to take it slow.
If you feel maybe a little embarresed in doing this read mags that help.
More is brilliant i read this through out my teenage years.
Im 24 and married and still read it!
Timeis of the esence and when you fel ready it wil be special because you have waited.
Good luck
Peaches
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A
male
reader, martini +, writes (5 November 2007):
 However, regardless of whoever said stuff, I suggest you look up Canada's age of consent on the web to get a better idea on how the laws for sexual consent work.
Here's a site with a table of consent:http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm
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A
male
reader, martini +, writes (5 November 2007):
The minimum age of consent in Canada is 16.
To look at this guy more objectively coinciding with your age, it is possible that his range of attraction to women may fall out of the more common ideal for guys that age. Let's look at this from another angle:
What if the 28 year old man wanted a relationship with a 66 year old woman? What would you say then? That he is taking advantage of her elderly years, hoping to get rewarded with her desperation for younger flesh? Come on! Stop bunching people together based on 'possible' victimization here!
The 16 year old who posted this question may or may not be mature enough - only she and those who know her, know that. We also don't know anything about the 28 year old guy. How is he like? How do these two connect? What are their common interests? What does she find him attractive and how does she see her with him? What does he find her attractive and how does he see himself with her?
The list goes on.
To the first male anon poster on saying "completely different perspective" - this is not necessarily accurate. This really depends on the environment and upbringing of each individual.
GREAT example: My uncle was 45 when he met his wife who was 21 - they got married two years after. He never had a high school education, nor college. It was expensive back in the day. He's passionate on long walks and hikes around England's trails. However, he is a docile man who spends most of his time working as a waiter and listening to opera.
My aunt who sacrificed her own opportunities for schooling (elementary and high school) for her own younger siblings, so she can stay home and care for the kids while work the fields at their rice paddy and banana plantation. Her idea of life is very simplified. To meet a man who can care for her and help her raise a family, etc. Very mature young woman, who can't cook that well at the moment unfortunately.
They are PERFECT together, though I'm sure my uncle needs a lesson on romance.
So as said, it really depends on their environment and upbringing. It IS NOT accurate to say that the 16 year old girl is not right for the 28 year old man, just because of their age. There are always other factors.
(I can feel Penta coming here to rate me down now... [grins] )
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (4 November 2007):
I am not familiar with the laws in Canada about the appropriate age for dating however, this guy is 28 and you are 16...is this illegal in Canada? You are still young, live your life. Your family haven't reported him as a sex offender?
This man should be reported.
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A
male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (4 November 2007):
 Just remember, sex is not a competition and not a rush on when you decide to do it.
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A
male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (4 November 2007):
Just remember, sex is not a competition and not a rush on when you decide to do it.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (4 November 2007):
 It all depends on how you feel about this guy, and how he feels about you. Your viginity is something you want to hold onto for as long as possibe, don't lose it to someone you don't think you are going to be with in a couple of months time. Your first time should be with someone you love with all your heart. Maybe you should leave it a while and see what happens, if he is a decent guy he will respect this and wait for you.
Take care x
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A
male
reader, ...32 23... +, writes (4 November 2007):
hey, never do anything your uncomortable with. i think you should ask your self a few questions, like do i really like this person and is it something that you want to remember. the fact is, to everyone loosing your verginity is a big thing that you will remember, maybe you should talk to your partner about your concerns. he is older, so he is more mature and will understand you i should hope. your 16 and at the age now where you should make your choices, but sit down and discuss your concerns with your partner and never do anything that you uncomfortable with. another thing is NEVER let other people get to you, you reashonship is between you and your partner, not anyone else. so stop, think, discuss and decide :) x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): If you really love him I think you should but if your not shure you should wait untill you are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): I think you might regret it later...i dont regret waiting untill i was 23 to have sex...it just made it that much better and it was an amazing gift i gave my girlfriend...and she knows it. Think about all the boys you will fall in love with someday, if I were you I would save my virginity for someone who is closer to my age, so that we would potentially have a future together.
A 28 year old has a completely different perception of reality than a 16 year old and his ability for him to subtly manipulate you into thinking whatever he wants you to think is far easier than you want to believe.
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