A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I hope you would be able help me with this, I separated from the partner of two years, never had a chance to talk things over proper, as she never gave me chance. I thought we had something special between us, but soon I realize how wrong I was , she was so selfish , never cared for me, we had our continuous arguments, it wasn’t working but the way she finished with me was so discussing, I wasn’t expecting the love of my life time (I was fouling myself to believe that was the case) treat me like that.She always loved money, (you may say who doesn’t), she was living for money and not live to earn money, we both had a reasonable lifestyle. She was blaming me for not be able to do certain things which I just simply couldn’t afford it, that is all and she knew it well when she first meet me , I talked everything openly with her. She was earning much more than me, and never offered to make things easy for us, I never asked her for anything, even if I had to borrow I did but kept my head up, and she knew that as well, but she never cared, it was all about her, and what she wants. It is now 3-4 months passed, she has meet someone rich, and she has put a blind eyes on everything we had together, and moved on. She left me with such a emotional baggage that is hard to get over, I don’t want her back, as it really discussed me the way she treated me, I just feel sick of recognizing what sort of person she was and how could I possibly not seeing that side of her earlier (she hid it very well).So now the question is should let this new guy know what sort of person she is dealing with? I just feel she is using mans and throw them out once she finish with them , she told me herself that she had done that many times, and she was proud of it.You know, I am looking for reasons why all these happen, how could this person do this to me and get away with it as well? I have no answer to any of these and it bothers me so much. I can never imagine treating anyone like that, that is why the questions are so complicated in my mind, I need to answer them in order to move on with my life.I have no problem of finding somebody, most people I meet they like me, and they want to meet me again, which really gives me confidence, but I am not emotionally over this, I don’t feel it is right meeting someone and get involve, without sorting this out in my mind first. I still have some feelings towards her, but at the same time I hate the way she treated me, and can never forgive her for that. Do you think I should try to talk to her, even though she is avoiding me? Do you think I should let this new guy know what sort of person she is?What if I bump into them on the street, (it is possible, as we live close by), what should I be doing? I can’t bare seeing her with someone else.Please help me answering these questions.Thanks very much
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): Hi, it sounds like you are pretty bitter right now and you are grieving the loss of this important relationship and you will just have to go through that as it is a process. You are asking why, why, on the one hand, cursing her angrily the next and also wanting to bargain your way back in to this unhappy relationship. These are all stages of grief, take comfort in knowing that you will come out on the other side with acceptance and peace in time...one thing you do for yourself is to forgive her for disappointing you, because she has...I don't mean tell her that you forgive her, but do it all the same or it will eat on you for a long long time.
She did tell you all along what kind of person she was, you said it was always about her, all about her desire of money and that she told you she had gleefully used men in the past. I believe that people always tell us who they are if we will only listen....you chose to ignore the signs for some reason, perhaps because you think she is better than you and you could not do better than her....all of which is rubbish because perception is reality not the other way around.
Do NOT tell the new boyfriend what you think of her, this will only reflect very negatively on you. Quite frankly I find this a very immature thing to do for a man of your age, this is more what 20 somethings will do, confront the new partner to their ex as if they are the reason you are not together....so why not trash her if she doesn't want to be with you....It lacks logic and class, don't go there, just move on, she does not sound like she is worth the gum on the bottom of your shoe.
She did you a favor, you did not end up marrying this miserable person who did not make you happy.
A
female
reader, luvme247  +, writes (2 March 2007):
 I don't think that you need to talk to her or her boyfriend. You should just try & move on. If you happen to run into them, then just walk by them. If she used you in the past, she could try & use you more. Just let her go. It'll be worth it in the end. Maybe you could go out with some of the girls that are interested in you? Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (2 March 2007):
Do you think I should try to talk to her, even though she is avoiding me? A: No, she has moved on and you don't think much of her anyway, just move on.
Do you think I should let this new guy know what sort of person she is? A: No, it's none of your business, and you don't know the truth for either of them.
What if I bump into them on the street, (it is possible, as we live close by), what should I be doing? I can’t bare seeing her with someone else. A: Just act like you don't know them. Walk on by. If they say "Hello", just mutter "hello" and walk on by.
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