A
female
age
51-59,
*ittygirl
writes:I am in need of advice and insight.... please no judgement. I have been married for over 19 years. I Have a 19 year old and 17 year old. I am 38 years old and female. I have been having an affair off and on since 2005. The other man is someone I have known my entire life. Should I leave my marriage?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): kittygirl, so your husband is aware of your cheating. how has it affected him. can you let go of him so that he can live his life. i don't think you will stop your affair so what is the alternative. it is wrong to " try to justify your affair" (and you say that you are not) becuase of the emotional/verbal abuse over the years. Your husband may not say much/anything but men are visual creatures - it is killing him visualing you with this other men doing your sexual acts. He is being tore to sheds by this - ask any person whose partner has cheated.What about your kids, they may be 19 and 17 but i am sure they will not be pleased with your ations. If you want this other man (who you say you have known all your life) then please end your marriage. Do not live a lie with your husband. I do feel sorry for him ( I am not judging you) but let him go to find happiness elsewhere. You are having your fun yet holding on to him. So please do the decent thing and let him go. He will hurt for a long time, BUT he will move on. I pray that he does find a loyal partner in the end. Everyone deserves happiness, he just needs to find his.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): 4 years and you don't know the answer, why has this other man not given any commitment to you, why are you only now asking the questions.Off course you should leave your marriage but not for your sake, for your poor poor husband who trusts you and doesn't deserve to be treated so horribly, he will find out now or some day and can you imagine how he is going to feel.4 years of sneaking around and yet you climb into his bed and take your husbands love and security for granted.What goes around comes around my dear so hope you are not a great believer in KARMA.I think you have the answers LOUD and CLEAR
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A
female
reader, kittygirl +, writes (16 March 2009):
kittygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, He is not married or with another person. I agree that what I have done was the worst form of betrayal. I never did think I would be in such a situation. I judged people who did such things. I have definitely learned an important lesson...don't judge unless you have walked in another's shoes. My husband is aware of the affair(s) both times. We neglected our marriage for years and the first 13 years I endured emotional/verbal abuse. I addressed it with him on numerous occassions. I am not using that as an excuse because I do know that I am responsible for my choices and I did choose to do something against my own morals.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): You should off left your marriage in 2005, you have done the worst thing anybody could ever do to another human being male or female, having an affair means you have been testing the water to see how it turns out, this is the worst way to go about ending a marriage and I'm sure you will have nightmares about treating another person in this way, you have been having sex with another man and I think you should stop and take a look at you first anf foremost. what does it acheive apart from how you feel and what is now happenening,you don't say if the man is married or has a partner or is that why this is still just another grubby affair.If he was for life you would have saved it till both of you were single at the moment it is just a little bit of extra on the side with no real commitment.Good Luck when hubby finds out what youve been up to behind his back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): your husband deserves better, so leave him and let him get on with his life.
You do not want judgement, it is so shallow to say don't judge you but matter of fact state that you have been having an affair. You do not state why, are your needs not being met, are you unhappy, is your husband a ba*t*rd??? If the problem is not him leave him to find someone who will not cheat and someone who will obviously care and not disrespect him the way you have done.
Women that cheat are the same situation of men that cheat but somehow the men get all the flack. Do not waste your husband's time and energies anymore. Release him to find happiness with someone else.
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A
female
reader, angel12  +, writes (16 March 2009):
i know exactly what you are going through , i could have wrote this myself , exactly same situation - one day i think i should leave the next i think i should stay - total turmoil.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): wow. your in a tight spot. i think you need to sort out your feelings first. do you love your husband or the other man? come clean and tell your husband who you love and see what goes on from there.
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A
female
reader, loveprincess +, writes (15 March 2009):
 You need to ask ur self some questions first. Are you happy in your marriage? Is there something missing? Do you really love your husband? Do you love the "other man"? Does he have a family of his own? Is he in a relationship with someone at the moment? I hope this advice has helped you.Gabriella
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