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Should I keep talking to him even though I feel like he likes my older sister but knows he can’t do anything about his feelings and is using me to get rid of them?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2018) 1 Answers - (Newest, 30 August 2018)
A female Puerto Rico age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hello! There is this very attractive guy i met almost two years ago. When i met him he had a girlfriend and wasn’t really looking for anything. He recently came last month again and i became very attracted to him. This guy is the same age as me and is honestly one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met. He has been gone for almost a month now and we are still keeping in touch, he occasionally calls me at night before i sleep to ask about my day! (Which makes me feel extremely important sometimes.) He talks about coming soon to visit again, which is in a few months. The only thing stopping me from telling him how I feel is how he acted when he was here a month ago. Him and my older sister would flirt with each other (she has a boyfriend but you could clearly see that she was flirting with him) he also flirted back which kind of bothered me. A few days before he left he asked me to hang out at the mall, i accepted and spent the afternoon with him (he would flirt by grabbing my hand.) this puzzled me extremely and made me feel kind of used in a way. He is very respectful and I feel like the only thing that stopped him from asking my sister out instead was that she had a boyfriend. I love my sister very much but can’t help feeling like the second choice. She is very beautiful and feel like she can get whoever she pleases. I’m not unattractive but feel like i am compared to her. What should i do?? My sister didn’t believe me when i told her he was still talking to me after a month. She was almost calling my bluff. I felt as if she liked him a bit especially since she would seem annoyed whenever i would talk about him and was always asking me questions about whether or not he is still talking to me. Should i keep talking to him? I don’t really know what to do especially since I’m pretty insecure. He makes sure I’m always happy and always makes sure i remember to keep my promise about doing things with him when he comes. He talks about taking me out on dates and trying his favorite food. I’m extremely puzzled and overthink sometimes. Am i overreacting? Should i keep talking to him even though i feel like he likes my older sister but knows he can’t do anything about his feelings and is using me to get rid of them?

View related questions: flirt, has a boyfriend, insecure

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 August 2018):

Sweetheart, it's you he likes. He's a guy, and straight-guys tend to flirt with attractive-women; simply because they're guys! They are expected to! Pretty women like to be adored. Women in general like to be checked-out. Don't you?

There is nothing behind flirtation except a need for attention and hormones. Your sister was flaunting her beauty, and she's used to drawing a guy's attention. You've got something on her. You're the younger-one! That places you up a few points! Youth is a great asset! Younger and beautiful! I know she didn't get all the looks! Think she's unaware of your advantages? She has to worry about what guys see in you that she doesn't have!

She's conceited and should keep her eyes on her own boyfriend. You have to learn to feel confident in who you are; and not compete with your sister on the basis of her looks. That's jealousy, and it can turn pretty toxic if you don't get a grip on it.

You and your sister are sisters for life. She's a peacock and she knows how pretty her feathers are. Her vanity might intimidate you; but you can't feel she can steal every guy away from you. He has kept in-touch with you, and you are the one trying to connect him with your sister. If he comes back, he may not be staying. So don't get too attached.

I think you need to give him a chance to see what's really the case; before you give your sister the power to steal everyone you like. Don't discuss him with her. It's none of her business; and she only wants to know, because she's vain and wants his male-attention. Just to add to her fan-club of admirers.

You are not in your sister's shadow. If you are, you put yourself there. Jealousy is a liar, and it distorts things in your mind. It makes you see and believe things that are totally untrue. If it turns out he does like your sister; then deal with it when you can confirm it for sure. You are insecure, so you could be wrong.

If it's you he really likes, are you going to mess it up by hating on your sister for how she looks? Please, don't be silly.

He's just a guy. They come and go, but she'll always be your sister. You've got to make your own mark in this world. She made hers! You'll never have a guy for yourself; because you'll always give them up fearing they'll like her, because YOU feel she's prettier. That's going to keep you a very lonely young lady! I promise you! Thinking guys are so stupid all we care about is how someone looks.

In spite of what some of you females think, some of us guys are better than that! You can't assume anything, you've got to put him to the test first. He can't fail before you even know!

Know what? If your sister knows she can do this to you, she is going to do it for a very very long time. What if this is ALL in your head, and not even the case at all? Stop wasting his time keeping in-touch; if you're not woman enough to handle it.

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