A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I dated my fiance for 1 year before he proposed on Valentines day last year. Since then there has been internet sex flirtations that I found and he agreed that this was over and he'd never do anything like that again. Since then we have purchased a house together --- recently I found out that he was flirting and asking for contact with an a family relative. I noticed this on his facebook page. He said there was no intent to met but I think the reality is I brought it to his attention before they could met. At first He said I was all wrong interpretting the emails and he was just being friendly. After I pressed him - he said it was just something "he needed to get out of his system". I think they would have met and started a relationship if I hadn't called him on it. I believe there has been no further contact and he says we just need to put this behind us. I'm concerned that if this stuff happens while we're still engaged -- am I just kidding myself that he really will be faithful. Now he's pressing me to get over it like it never happened. He's saying that I'm destroying the relationship. I'm over 50 and don't want to waste any more time with men who aren't serious about a real relationship.
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male
reader, someguy041 +, writes (25 February 2010):
Ive been engaged and broke it off and if its meant to be you can always try again but getting married even though hes having loyalty issuses now is a horrible idea i know it will be hard and sad to break off your engagement but it will hurt more and waste much more of your time to get married and have him cheat on you later on. Get your relationship the way it needs to be and then get married it be like making a sidewalk by taking dry cement and then smashing it into a sidewalk instead of getting it the way you need it to be and then letting it settle.
A
male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Marriage should happen when you're completely over-the-top 100 percent in love
If not? Why marry? He kept something like that from you and kept going behind your back. That's a bad secret to keep. He doesn't exactly deserve your trust through that and without trust, there's no commitment. "he needed to get it out of his system"? THat just calls for trouble. If it's in his system, he'll just have it all the time, maybe not a lot, maybe not once a year, but he'll always have an open mind for it, seriously, that's just how he'll go about, thát is him. It just has happen to be the right circumstances on the right time to the right person to make him explore that 'something' in his system. If he trusted himself he'd have mentioned to you about what his feelings were anywhere. Marry him for who he is and consider if you still wanna marry him if that's a part of him. Keep in mind that it's for life. I myself wouldn't like it one bit, I'd be mad if my gf was intentionally flirting to see if there was anything worth exploring. I'd be mad as hell because that means she's not saying 'only me', which is what marriage is saying. So marriage and your boyfriend need to speak the same language or there will definitly be mistakes in it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 February 2010):
'Just something he needed to get out of his system'. That's one of the worst excuses I've heard. And this is now the second time that it has happened. Red flag. And the fact that all he can say is you need to put it behind you is an even bigger red flag, because rather than sort the problem he's just hoping you'll forget it. Another big red flag. Think carefully about this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): First off no this is not something you should have to put wit.... .. you need to understand he has cheated on you in my opinion cheating is anything you wouldnt do if you if your parner was with you......
so with that defined you need to decide weather of not this is something you can deal with and forgive him for
he needs to understand what he has done to you and how hurt you are by his actions.
Is this a deal breaker for you ???/
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