A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi from the first couple of weeks i started to have feeling for my friend, he said he would think about it......a year on i have had a two month relationship, and he has just told me he regrets not taking the chance, AHHHHH, i am soo confused now all these feeling that i have pushed to one side have poured in. The same week me and my boyfriend split. We had nearly gone out before, but we were aftraid of being the main topic of where we were (working/at school) now there is nothing stopping us. Wat should i do? should i see what happens, or step up before the moment is gone? From confused girl Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 well, a same situation happened to myself. my best friend whom id known since grade 7,im now 31 yrs old. he was a very much sought after guy,in school, and high school. famous for his fiery flaming red gorgeous ringlets, girls envied his luscious thick hair... and i always had a fiery crush on him but never spoke up until about i was 26, i told him i had always liked him and this was after wed spent some nights together, sleeping together in the same bed at his place although we cuddled nothing sexual happened. although i could tell he wanted to many times...it was my horrifying luck that at 16 i was married off, and raped and beaten in a loveless marriage ending in 3 unwanted sons. i left the man when i was in my early 20s, leaving him the kids.anyhow, time goes on, my best friend knew my entire story as he was always there for me throughout my life knowing him.my family knew him and liked him very much. after telling him how i felt, he said, u have amazing sex appeal, and not a man out there could resist a gorgeous hot and intelligent girl like u, but, no offense, u were marrried and had 3 kids.its a lot to carry around, especially the things i have been thru. and he was sorry.so that was that. inside i felt very bad. very guilty for having a history such as mine.it broke my confidence, my spirit etc. and i carried it with me for a long time. soon after that discussion i left literally overnite, on a spontaneous whim, to israel. where i resided for 2 and a half yrs.dont know why. just wanted a change. came back a wholly new and improved me, more confident, and regained of spirit. i was also engaged to a thai gentleman who was working in israel at the time and was to go back to thailand within the year of my return to cananda, whereupon i was to then fly to thailand and make my new life.my best friend came up to me and said he wanted to talk to me. he sat me down and told me me how awfulhe felt after i left. he was very much aggrieved and ashamed at what he said. he said he did not realize at the time how it would of affected me. her said after being thru sooo much, i turned out to be a very strong willed girl with a very big heart who still had soo much to give even though id been treated likem shit, beaten down like a dog and forced to have children she never wanted. and that he realized he did have feelings for me, that he was very attracted to me and more. wanted a serious relationship with me etc. my own family was pushing me to get with him as not only was he a successful careerman,he couldm relate and be patient with me as he knew my past and my history and wed known eachother for yrs. but the pressure did not matter to me. i simply told him, sadly, the ship had sailed long ago. i no longer felt the same way about him.that i was seeeing a man from thailand whom i was engaged to. he gently pleade with me. he apologized so much for the way he treated me. he said i did not deserve to be treated like that. he regretted to his very core evrything he had said. he asked to be given a chance. and u know what? i sadly replied, i could not. i did not backtrack, i had moved on. so we both remained best of friends and agreed to never kick eachother to the curb for anything or anyone.its up to u my dear to see where ur at, do u still feel the same way for him, or not. whether hes genuine or not is not the point now.where r u at at this point, in life? do u feel the same way or more, about him? or less ? once u have established what kind of feelings u have for him, then u will have answered ur own question. if u feel the same way or more, then u knoow what u need to do, or should do. if u feel neutral about him, or feel like u are just friends and nothing more, then dont pursue anything which u know or feel, will either break ur heart or be prone to fail because u dont feel the same way about him as he does about u. and most importantly, dont waste his time if ur not interested in that sort of way. and vice versa. we are not getting younger, and finding a matching compatible mate in life is hard enough. so wasting ones time is pointless, for u and as well as for him. so be smart and think carefully before u make any rash decisions, based on emotions that are not truly black and white. dont be eluded by false feelings. and emotions. but take a good hrd look and then make ur decision. good luck. as for the thai gentleman? my mom who was born in vietnam said she did not approve of me going to a third world country to settle my life in some stick hut overlooking a rice paddy. sure enough, this man was from a village. an honest and hardworking man who would of given me the world if i asked for it. he loved me more then his own life , but i knew my mon was right. we never married. but i broke his heart and his world to pieces. i still feel bad.but, this is how life is. and despite our feelings we have to do what is right. for us all. somehow, it all works out. time heals wounds. believe it or not. although it seems sometimes we will never get over the loss, let go, move on. but we do. thats what makes us distinctly, human....
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