A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had an argument with my boyfriend and he told me he has enough stress to deal with from his ex wife, he didn’t want more from me and that I was starting to sound like her. So I should like never argue and always be agreeable just because he has all this stress with ex? I don’t go out of my way looking for an argument but I don’t want to be a doormat either.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 May 2011):
 I would tell him that you are NOT his ex and would prefer not to be compared to her.
He needs to start living in the now, not the past.
YOU are bound to not agree 100% of the time, that is pretty darn normal. You should also be "allowed" to have your own oppinion, just like him.
Honestly, it sounds like he has some unresolved issues with the ex..
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 Discuss this with him once you have both calmed down. What you heard when he said this was "So I should like never argue and always be agreeable just because he has all this stress with ex? I don’t go out of my way looking for an argument but I don’t want to be a doormat either."
aka, he wants you to be a doormat and just shut your yap. Understandably, that is offensive.
However, if I was to tell someone what your man told you, what I mean is more likely this:
"I don't want arguments, because I am already worked up enough as it is. If you have a disagreement with me, can we not try to sort it out through calm discussion instead? And, I will try my best to understand you, as I really do not want to fight you".
He doesn't want an argument either. And he's not blaming you for the arguments. He just wants the way you and him dissolve problems to be different from the way he and his ex wife "solved" them. Or dare I say, didn't solve them, as she is now the ex.
Look into the way the two of you argue, and talk to him about how you (the both of you) can communicate your needs and wants to each other in a better way. This is a trick that is learned through try and fail, so don't give up. But your man has learned what DOESNT work, hence the reference to his ex.
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A
female
reader, GuaranaGirl  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 All people are different! Her boyfriend can't wait to find someone who will always agree with what he says and does, only because he has a trauma with the ex-wife. Somebody says that to him?! So the 'key' for me, not only share your opinion but the way you have done that. There's no need to fight or yell at someone when we disagree. Try to pay more attention to how you are reacting in such situations and then do your part to improve. But don't let it change who you are, because he can always use this "trauma"to do things as he wants, as is best for him and then one day you'll stop and say: oops, don't I know who I'm !I really am who I wanted to become or I'm who this "guy" made ??me, (that is your image of perfection!) "If this is the answer, not worth it!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 May 2011):
 when I am 100% agreeable with my boyfriend he knows I'm pissed off at him.
Two people means two opinions... folks that are couples that never disagree or argue seem slightly phony to me
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 Most of us men don't know how to argue politely with a woman. we just want it to stop, mainly because we're inept at arguments and women are fairly good at it;i.e. we know we're gonna lose so what's the point. So, out of desperation we yell out STOP already!. I bet that's what happened here. Take a breath ans chill out. He'll forget all about it when his blood pressure returns to normal. Love quietly -Yell only at hatred.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (26 May 2011):
Personally I think once someone starts arguing about something, it's gone too far and it is no longer helpful to the situation.
I know sometimes people can lose their tempers, or can't always express themselves properly, but you should work at not arguing with him and instead trying to talk like mature adults.
I'm not saying be treated like a doormat, but if you have to argue to make your point then maybe you need to take a look at the problems in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): I would say your ex has not resolved his issues about his exwife yet.
Describe your argument, it means different things to different people. A disagreement about something, a brawl?,you asking him not to do something...or DO something?
You should be your genuine self. If he feels like he has had enough of you, THAT is your clue to give him space...PERMANENTLY.
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (26 May 2011):
 The short answer is, of course, no you should not. Bottling your frustrations and feelings up is never going to be healthy for you or ultimately the relationship. In this specific case its impossible to assess the validity of his claims BUT it seems to me he is in danger of taking that stress out on you.I would furthermore say his attitude shows a somewhat callous disregard for your feelings. You cant be expected to simply stop feeling and functioning other than as a blind submissive simply because he is having a rough time. Of course, you should be supportive where you can but that does not equate to blind submission in my eyes. Believe in yourself and the right to express yourself freely because that is a fundamental right you enjoy and you shouldn't let it be taken away. Good luck and take care x
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