A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused02
writes:i'm really confused. i've been married for 6 months. we met 2 years ago. everything was fine before. he's a sweet man who i'm sure loves me. but i just don't care about him anymore. i cheated on him about a month ago with my co-worker. i'm having so much fun, gives me anything i want. BUT i feel so much guilty about my husband. what can i do. i'm not happy anymore. should i stay with my husband even though i don't feel anything towards him, or be with this man for the time being and enjoy my life. I also do not disapoint my parents this my second marriage.
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female
reader, rambini  +, writes (17 June 2007):
 you are only in your 20's and in your second marriage. this sould surely tell you that you are not ready for the commitment of marriage. I think you should leave your husband because no-one deserves to be lied to, especially as you said yourself he loves you. after that i think by all means have fun, but just steer clear of marriage for a few years at least, until you have the maturity and loyalty to truly commit good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2007): I don’t know whether there is anything I can tell you, to help the situation. But I do agree with Wild Thaing and he brought up a good point...the meaning of committment. You plainly are not committed to being married and you seem to be expecting your parents, to just accept that you flit from relationship to relationship. I have a daughter your age, and if she did the same thing..I would be disappointed too. You can change your attitude because as it sits right now you do seem to lack the empathy, compassion and maturity to be married. You need to find a way to help yourself, out of this self-involved way of thinking. Marriage is other-involved, it's challenging and requires lots of work. It can be frustrating, unpleasant and difficult, sometimes. In a marriage, there are temprary moments when one's feelings can ebb and flow, but usually the 'commitment' doesn't change. Commitment is the 'binding agent' that keeps married couples together. It's the strength of mind and a character trait inside a person, that keeps them attached to a spouse when another person, approaches a gal and wants to take her to their bed. I recommend you stop cheating and you look in to marriage counseling, just for you. You need a perspective given to you, from a professional who can explain how one commits to a marriage and what is need to grow into that. If that doesn't work, then I suggest you take time to yourself, have your fun and hopefully as you mature...you will understand the meaningfulness and hard efforts that go into committments. In time, you may come to realize that some things are worth it, like retaining one's personal integrity by truely understanding the meaning of marriage.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (17 June 2007):
 This is the second time you are in a failing venture called marriage. Have you considered that commitment is just not for you at this point in your life?
You have maturity issues that manifest themselves as failed relationships. You're not really here for help, just validation of your choices. If you had a healthy sense of self-esteem you would not be in this situation, and if you had the maturity to respect the enormity of a committed relationship you would not stray.
So my answer to your question is: Go with neither man and spend some quality time healing yourself and growing, as scary as that prospect seems. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (17 June 2007):
 I think maybe you should leave your husband if you don't care about him anymore as it is really not fair for him to go on believing he is in a loving marriage when he clearly is not, also it is not good for you even if it does not work out with the person you are seeing you should not be in a relationship with someone you do not love.
I'm sure you will not disappoint your parents if you explain to them that you really are not happy where you are as all parents want the best for their children.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 June 2007):
 I think that there are two issues here.
First: If you don't love your husband, should you stay with him? I think you should not. There may be few things as painful as sharing a life with someone who does not love you anymore. Let the man live a meaningful relationship with someone else. Anyways, eventually you will not feel comfortable living with him, and problems will ensue.
Second: With your co-worker, your chances of making it are just the same as with anyone else. Try to think of him as a different relationship, not as a way out of your marriage. Is he worth trying? Does he love you?
The two issues are connected only in the sense that you were with your co-worker after you fell out of love with your husband. But that's it. There are two separate problems and you should deal with them separately.
Bear in mind that you WON'T have the chance to go back to your husband if you leave him for your co-worker.
Good luck.
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