A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in love with my teacher for a little over four years now. The first time we met I'd thought nothing of him. At the time, I was heartbroken over the breakup between me and my first boyfriend. I thought I loved the guy, but truthfully, as cliche as it sounds, I didn't know what love was until I saw my teacher in a different kind of light. This teacher makes me feel like I can do anything. He just makes me forget my problems. I'm at peace when he's around. Every time I see him, my breath would tighten and my skin would become warmer. He never failed at making me smile.I attended an all girls Catholic High school, so I didn't have many options as who to like. My history teacher was forty-two at the time whereas I was fourteen. He was engaged to be married, so I never really had a chance. I guess I never really looked at him before. This man was no Johnny Depp or Hugh Laurie, but I found him attractive and quite charming. Anyway, even though I was attracted to this man, I was still healing from the breakup. I'd felt like the breakup was mistake, and had asked him to take me back, but unfortunately, I was too late. He'd wanted nothing to do with me.My teacher married a woman from China in my freshman year. However, she couldn't come to America until 2007 (the next year)He would always tell me personal stuff. Stuff no one even knew. I loved hearing about his life. One time after our school's sports award dinner, I was waiting outside the school for my mom. He waited with me. He said to me, "At least we get to spend some quality time together." and he smiled at me. I was in track, and he was the coach. He would always let me know how good I was doing.The following year (my sophomore year), my school merged with another all girl catholic high school. That year I developed an eating disorder, and my teacher was just so comforting, and we grew really close that year. I was the manager for the track team, and I'd always walk by his side when we tried to beat the team to the park. We would always win. :) We were fast walkers.He always smiled at me. For example, I was sitting in the bleachers at track practice. I was the manager, so I was watching over everyone's stuff. I looked up from my notebook and saw that he was staring at me. His whole face was just lit up. He was blushing and smiling. I smiled at him, blushed, and turned away. When I looked back, he was still smiling at me.I noticed that he paid more attention to me than the other girls. A few other girls noticed it too.For example, my teacher mentioned that he treats the freshmen girls with extra care (he "babies them). Like if they ever needed a ride home after track practice, he would ask them. Well, one time it was during the winter so it was very cold and dark outside. This was after a race. He asked everybody else if they needed a ride. He only asked each girl once. When he came up to me, he asked "Do you need a ride home?" I replied, "No, I'll just take the bus. I do it all the time." His expression told me that he didn't believe me. He asked me again, "Are you sure?" I nodded my head. He smiled, saying, "Last chance?" I shook my head. I walked outside, and called my mom instead because it was too cold. He saw me and asked, "Still need a ride?" I said, "No, it's ok. My mother is coming to pick me up." He asked, "Is she here yet?" I told him, "She said she would be in the parking lot." He actually searched in the parking lot with me. Eventually we found it, and we said our goodbyes.Also, after each track practice, my teacher always handed out candy as a reward. He had Hershey's kisses, so he offered me some, but I politely refused. It was sort of weird how he would say "Want some kisses?" I would notice how soft his voice would become when he said "kisses". I always blushed when he did this.Well, let me fast forward a bit. In Junior year, he announced his wife was pregnant. (she came to the US in April 2007) I chose to distance myself from him, because it was too painful. Well, we grew close again when our principal announced that the school was closing. I took a stand and started a "Save (my school's name) Campaign" My teacher encouraged me every step of the way. Unfortunately, I failed because only a few people supported me. :(Last day of school, he signed my yearbook and we hugged for the first time ever. He said, "Hug me. This might be the last time we ever see each other." I didn't hug him for very long, because I didn't want to give away my feelings. I didn't even think of that moment as a farewell, just a "See ya later." It didn't feel like it was the end of us.Well, Senior year at a different school was hell for me without him. Honestly, I was a complete mess. But I called him up 6 days before my graduation and invited him. He came, we hugged, I kissed him on the cheek, and we promised to e-mail each other. Two months later in August, I wrote him a long e-mail confessing my love to him, and that I was doing it for closure, not expecting anything in return. His response was very professional, but he acted like we weren't friends. I hated that he was being so professional about it. I was 18 and out of high school. He acted like it was forbidden for a teacher to be friends with a student.It's just that before a person actually becomes a teacher, they go through training. They are trained on how to deal with students who have crushes on them and etc. Maybe he said all of that because that's what he was trained to do. But I just wish for once that he'd quit being a coward and tell me how he feels.A part of me feels like he was just being nice all along, but a part of me also thinks that he does love me or at least liked me at one point. I sent that letter so I could stop wondering, but even now I'm still left wondering! There's so much that I could say about our memories together, that would be considered proof that he has feelings for me. I've tried countless times to get over this man, by going out on dates with other guys, but nothing more. Never a relationship nor a spark, connection, nada. You can't replicate that kind of chemistry with just anybody. It's hopeless. I don't think I'll ever get over this man no matter what I do or who I date. I'm hopeless.Well, I've received news that my school (that closed down) is having a reunion in the summer. I'm afraid that he will be there and I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. I care about him so much that I wouldn't go to that reunion if he didn't want me there.Please help. Sorry that this was long.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): Hi there!
It sounds like you're a bit worried and definetely in love.
Haha. To me I think he does have feelings for you but I guess he's staying loyal and professional.
I think you should go to the reunion. It would be good for you, this way you can see if he'll still treat you like a friend or maybe he'll back off a little. I don't think you'd make him uncomfortable. Remember that teachers always have students that have feelings for them so they're used to it.
Not saying your situation is the same though because it sounds like he returned those feelings. My advice is to go, have fun, don't approach him unless he gives you an indication to do so or he approaches you. I know it might get too painful to watch him there and feel at loss over him. But it can also make you feel better about it, depending on how the night goes.
It's still your decision. I wish you luck! I'm sure everything will go brilliantly.
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