A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i need some advice this is quite long but here goes I have gotton myself into a situation i am not very proud of. I am 27 female never had a boyfriend and lack confidence. I fell for someone at work who i know just wants a bit of 'fun' no strings, i was never happy with the set up (we just got together every 6-7 weeks, had a bit of a feel up of each other and full on kissing, we then moved onto me giving him a hand job, he asked) but i went along with it because for once i felt good that someone wanted me, no one at work knows and wont find out. He now wants me to go down on him, I have so far refused (a little bit scared to) as I feel that it might change things I know I have acted a bit like a slapper/slag for just hooking up with him for a kiss etc. I tried to say to him that I wont go down on him because its just a work thing and he replied by saying that its not a work thing, i have to say he has never asked me out on a date but he has invited me to his house, again i have said no as i dont want to give him the idea that i would sleep with him, he says he doesnt mind if i am shy because that turns him on and he likes me. He also wants to make me orgasm, again I am scared to I am a bit frigid i suppose but when i am with him i really want to do things but i am apprehensive. I am worried that he already thinks i am easy for hooking up with him and kissing him.
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at work, confidence, frigid, hand-job, kissing, never had a boyfriend, orgasm, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YourDestiny11  +, writes (28 March 2010):
 Well u shouldnt just let him use u. If u like him then u should wait until he asks u out or else this could end up messy and leave u heartbroken. but if u dnt have feelings for him then just get experienced with him so u can gain confidence for ur next relationship. Good luck.
A
female
reader, will I ever? +, writes (28 March 2010):
 You should never do anything you don't feel like doing. For any reason. If you feel the urge to get more sexually involved with him, let that be your decision and if it turns ugly, at least you can tell yourself that you did it for the fun. Tell me, why is this just a "work thing"? Do you feel desperate and are allowing him to exploit you this way because you don't feel worthy of a real caring relationship? I know that sounds like a harsh question, but purely sexual relationships are very difficult to navigate and you could end up destroying your own self-esteem (and reputation) if you're not careful.
Don't feel pressured to cross any lines you don't want to for this type of relationship.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (28 March 2010):
 Trust what your gut is telling you. You already know the answer. This whole this is all wrong and that's why it feels wrong to you. Get a good therapist and explore the reasons that you think so little of yourself that you would agree to such an arrangement with this guy. Sex is supposed to be between two people who are in love. This guy hasn't even taken you out! Work thing or not at this point he will say anything to get a blow job and then some. That's how that game works. Do go there! Get into therapy.
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A
female
reader, ChristineAvril +, writes (28 March 2010):
 I understand your reluctance to do things you have never done before if you are shy, but I would advise you to go for it!
Firstly though - be safe. Always have a condom handy when you start to play, even if you think you have no intention of having sex: it's amazing how often such non-intentions melt in the heat of passion, once started!
He wants to make you orgasm? Does that mean that you never have before? You should make that a priority if that IS the case. PM me if you want suggestions as to how to bring yourself off, in gentle and easy stages!
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