A
female
age
30-35,
*ash123
writes:I'm a straight girl who has a male "best friend" of 8 years. All those years ago he supposedly liked me, but I never went there as I didn't feel the same – but I didn’t play him. However the years have gone by and we had grown closer - everyone assumed we were a couple. I fell for him - hook line and sinker.However around the time I fell for him he was also questioning his sexuality. He is freaking that he is completely gay. I know he has had some male encounters, but also female.However he knew my feelings towards him, and would say things like "I always thought you were the one, I don't want you to leave (for my job), I'll marry you when we are 40 if we don't have somebody each by then, I don't want to let you go". I also (ashamedly) had a drug habit - only green - and he told me if I gave it up we'd go there. I did - guess what, nothing. However after saying all thing one night we ended up snogging each other’s faces off and a few nights later we slept together, It was his first time - with a girl and I think with a bloke too, although I'm not 100% about that.But then on New Year’s Eve he told me he didn't want to know. So I just picked up and went. But to complicate matters further there was another girl on the scene that he and a mate were "playing for", coupled with some bloke he had a crush on. We didn't talk for over two months, though he was texting me trying to get us to meet up - but I was reluctant. We finally met up and he apologised, continuously. Saying I was his best friend and he didn't regret us sleeping together - I do. The biggest mistake of my life - And I’m not the smallest person either! So it totally flawed my confidence.He knows I am in love with him, but he is supposedly getting over a guy he had a crush on...... but in the months we weren't talking he was off with said other girl (though they did not have sex to my knowledge he was trying to get her) - but he was off with her whilst I was going through hellish depression, financial hell and my mother was ill. I agree I never spoke to him - but it hurt. Both girl and boy are now off the scene – FYI.Now we are kinda back to friends - he hugs me every time - HE initials the hugging, not me and normally meeting up. He tells me He loves me and I'm amazing but he doesn't know what he wants. He also wants us to live together - with another mate of ours – when I finish my masters and get a graduate job. So my questions are:1) Should I class him as a best friend? Ok he’s confused but I never played him we he wanted me, so why should he do that to me?2) Is he bi or gay?3) If he’s bi – do I stand a chance?4) Yeah ok this is selfish, but why should I hang around and help him through his confusion and “coming out”, when he has HURT THE HELL OUTTA ME!?!?5) Would moving in together repair the friendship?6) When will I get over this god dam feeling?7) Will I ever find somebody else?Thank you peoples!!! xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): Sounds like unwanted drama in a busy life when your studies are important. 1) Be his friend by all means, but don't get drawn in by his games, if he wants to play, let him play with someone else and not you, you've got more than enough on your mind to be worrying about him. I wouldn't call him a best friend after this personally.2) Without meeting him and only going on the information you have given, I would suggest bi. He's chasing girls left, right and centre. 3) Do you really want to go there? That's the question you should be asking, doll. The guy has messed you about and played with your heart. Making a mistake once is reasonable, we're only human after all, making a mistake twice, doll, think about it a little more seriously. People's feelings change constantly and he sounds like his change too frequently and he's only playing games. You said it yourself, you regret sleeping with him, why bother again?4) Contradicting yourself here, doll. 'Do I still stand a chance?' 'But why should I stand by...' Think about this more clearly. Do you want him, yes or no? Do you want to be his friend, yes or no? 5) Moving in won't repair anything. The guy hurt you when he did all this, why risk moving in only to have to sit and watch him bring girls and guys into your home to have relationships with? 6) Subjective. Some people find it very easy to escape the pain and anger, I for one can brush something off in a matter of hours or days, but I can also hold a grudge if I want to. But then other people can go their whole lives suffering in the shadow of what was. You need to make a clear and informed decision of what you truly want from him because I get the impression you don't know what you want yet and so the pain is going to continue for as long as your uncertainty is here. 7) Of course you will find someone else. People say there is someone for everyone. Just because you feel like he might be the one now doesn't mean he is. I know this wasn't one of your questions, but I feel it needs to be addressed anyway. Your confidence was knocked when he did this to you because of your size. Doll, your size is perfect, it doesn't matter what anyone else says, someone will always have something to say, 'you're too thin', 'you're too fat', 'your eyes are too big'... whatever the problem is, there is always someone to complain, STOP LISTENING TO THE HATE. There isn't a single thing wrong with anyone in this world, everyone is equal and everyone is beautiful and the sooner people shut their mouths and stop judging the better, but it is you that can make the difference to the way people think about you. Take pride in your appearance, be proud to be tall or have curves or muscles, it's no one else's business and the sooner you embrace your own body, the sooner other people will accept you for who you are. Take a look at some famous women who aren't considered to be the 'perfect, delicate woman', do they care? No! They embrace their bodies, they work them, they show them off and they've got people falling at their feet. You don't have to be a size 0 with long legs and big breasts to be the perfect woman. You just have to be yourself. Besides, at least you've got it over and done with now, no more first time jitters and you've overcome your own drug problems. There's always a silver lining, doll. You just have to look for it.
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