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female
age
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anonymous
writes: Should I divorce my workaholic husband? I am tired of being alone after 15yrs of marriage and want more.?He isn't a bad man but he has a full time job and then started a second business. I have spent our entire marriage begging him to spend more time with me but as he gets older he works more. When he is home we are to a point that I live upstairs and he lives downstairs. He even started sleeping on the couch. We dont really fight but I am so beyond lonely that I cant stand it anymore. I finally forced him into taking our first family vacation this year but it almost feels like it is to late. when I beg for time I get the same excuses of we will spend more time together after work Yet none of that ever happens. I work full time and even go out twice a month with my friends. There husbands always go and mine does not. I am over this but the "grass is always greener" scares me into staying...I also wonder if being alone in a marriage is better than just being alone. why is it that a man who chooses to work pretty much everyday and never wants to spend time with his family is the good guy (even though there is no reason for him to work all of those hours as we are not in debt or poor) And the wife works also yet wants to spend some quality time with her husband and NEVER complains buty tries to talk to him about spending time with her becomes a nag who should be "lucky" she has a man who wants to provide for her.I appreciate he works for us but I work for us to and yet I still am willing to find time to spend time with him but he does not.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): The only way you will make him realise your feelings is by being (and therefore feeling) less of a 'doormat'. Find your own life - get out there and socialise. Join clubs, go dancing (Salsa ?). Fill your evenings with happiness. If you are always waiting for him to spare you his time he will continue to use you in this way. Start being at home less - it may feel strange but why should you be grateful for the 10 minutes he finds to speak with you at the end of the day. Can you book yourself a holiday? Alone or with friends / other family? Once he realises you are getting on with your life without him..... he may start to get the message. If not - then I agree with the other post about a trial separation. However I would do this half step first because either way I get the feeling you need to build a strong life for yourself.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 May 2010):
 Being a workaholic is a sickness of the mind. He is not aware of anything except to find pleasure in what he is doing everyday.
Life is about balance. It is hard to convince a workaholic about enjoying life or having a life.
The only way to make him realize that he has gone off the road is to leave him alone for sometime so that he is able to find back his bearings.
When he is alone and without you , life becomes meaningless and it will hit him hard.
A trial separation may shake his senses and make him realize that life is not about working or earning money only .
A man's and woman's perspective is different when it comes to work.
A man has to work as it is his responsibility to be the provider ,while the woman works and do not have to worry about providing for the family .
She can stop work anytime she feels like it and fall back on her husband. A man does not have that luxury.
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A
male
reader, astral_traveller  +, writes (10 May 2010):
- Did you try to talk to him and express yourself ?
- Did you ask him whats in his mind when he is working a job and after job ?
- Did you try waking him from the couch and ask him to get to the bed room ?
I am not trying to support your husband, but sometimes people get lost. Since you are taking care of your family ( i assume you have kids ), you can guide him to the right direction. Adults who are lost are like kids without direction. Would you disown your kids if they don't behave right? Think on these lines.
Divorce is an option that is easy to choose, but should be the last. If you plan to do it, just think about how you would manage, how the kids would take it, would you be doing what is good for the kids?
Words of caution : You are the better judge of your situation. Others can only relate your situation to events in their life or to the lives of people they know. So please do NOT get carried away with an answer that supports your thoughts.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 May 2010):
All I can say is that my girlfriend was married to a man who did nothing but work. In the end, she felt so alone that she had to leave him.
Now she feels a million times better, she's doing her own thing and leading her own life. She's come out of her depression, she's started dancing, she's lost weight, she smiles more. And so on. It will be tough on you, and it will take a few years for you to really feel that there is a difference in your life. But I do think if you want to experience more of life, that you're with the wrong man here. Your husband is into his work, and no matter how much you beg, it won't work out and he won't change. So it's time you took a brave step and got back out there and lived your own life. The grass may not be greener immediately. But it will be. Don't live in this marriage where you're just unhappy so much.
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A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 This is such a tough situation. Does he know how grateful you are for the time you do get to spend together? The sleeping apart thing sounds like a bad sign. Maybe you should ask for a specific number of evenings spent at home/going out together per week, and if he can't give you what you need (within reason) then let him know that there may be serious consequences. Do you think he suspects you of contemplating leaving him? Maybe he needs to know its *that* bad. Best of luck to you...
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