A
male
age
51-59,
*mnesiac_Radar
writes:I've been seeing a girl who has split from a guy who had been beating her, this has happened 4 times now, with increasing severity. We meet every now and again, but she blows hot and cold and never wants to meet when i suggest it, we only meet when she's had a drink and it's her idea. Should I ditch her completely? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): Much respect for being there for her fella. Wishing you both the best of luck for the future. Thanks for the update.
A
male
reader, Amnesiac_Radar +, writes (5 July 2012):
Amnesiac_Radar is verified as being by the original poster of the question Update. I ensured I was there for her and she wanted to chat and opened up, it turns out she wasn't sure what I wanted and now we're going out. Thanks to everyone who very kindly answered my question, I am very greatful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): Don't ditch her, that's bit of a douche thing to do. Just try being a friend to her instead and be there when she's ready to see you, as oppose to when you want her. She is probably looking for company and a friend, not another relationship right now.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (24 June 2012):
 She is no doubt still recovering from the abuse. And it may be that she is so devoid of confidence in herself that she has trouble being assertive.
Maybe in the past she was hit or abused with words if she dared to suggest anything.
Long term abuse just ruins a person for ages.
Encourage her to get into some counselling
Or even suggest she talk to samaritans.org
She has been emotionally battererd and she was drawn to you as you seemed so much nicer than the man who abused her.
She does not believe in herself and she may need some longer term counselling to recover.
If she does not seek this level of support then she may be drawn back towards another abusive partner as that is what she is accustomed to dealing withbe patient with her and suggest the web site above and counselling
Also maybe visit the local Citizens Advice Bureau in your area and find out what supported is out there for a 'Battered Wife" presentation after what she endured earlier. They may know of a support group in her area who can also offer some support for her to heal herself from within.
After she is more healed she may become the best girlfriend you could ever imagine.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 June 2012):
 I have sympathy for her (who wouldn't ?), but I think you need to do what's right for you. If you do not feel SHE is right for you, then let her down gently.
Pretending to feel something or believing you should act in a certain manner to please others will not make you happy, nor her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): Don't ditch her, be her knight in shining armour!
When you see her next, tell her you're here for her, and perhaps tell her you care about her. If the subject of 'him' comes up, tell her you never want anything like that to happen to her again. Do whatever it takes to show her you care about her!
Go on man, if you like her like you sound like you do, then go for it - what have you got to lose?!!
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Amnesiac_Radar +, writes (23 June 2012):
Amnesiac_Radar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn answer to Honeypie's question which I failed to answer, but will now; no, she wants nothing more to do with him.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 June 2012):
 It's a good thing she has moved away from her ex. She will probably need quite a bit of time to deal with what has happened to her and to build her self confidence.
You sound like a good bloke and obvious you like her so give it time and see what happens.
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A
male
reader, Amnesiac_Radar +, writes (23 June 2012):
Amnesiac_Radar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who provided responses, it's much appreciated.In response to some of the questions posed; if I didn't like this girl I'd hardly be with her and certainly wouldn't be posting on this site for advice! I've also attempted to talk about the issue but being English, people tend to be emotionally conservative and when I broach the subject, she would rather not talk about it. I have to respect her decision if she feels she'd rather keep her feelings private-I'm not the same, being half Irish, we're a bit more open about these things.In regard to her ex beating her up, the Police will only take it further if the complainant wants to press charges, and she always backs out at the last minute. I can see that she's understandably scared of him but has taken the initiative and moved out of the home they shared.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 June 2012):
Sounds to me that she is trying to have the "control" in this relationship because she had NONE is her last one. She might have gone a tad overboard. She may not know that she is doing this, but it is her way of testing you.
Is she still seeing the guy who beat her up?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (23 June 2012):
 Hi
Difficult, no excuse to beat up a woman, he needs sorting out,I dont know if the victim has to report it but somebody should. Dont get too deeply involved in her problems but dont turn your back totally,be a friend but thats all.Her head and her life are messed up, she needs her family.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 June 2012):
Is he still beating up on her?
If he is, you need to report this to the police because it's a criminal offence. Whether you are seeing/dating/befriending her or not, you still need to report if he does this to her again.
As for ditching her, seems like she is in big trouble and needs a good friend.
Be there for her but if you can't, at least try to help her and don't just walk like you didn't see.
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