A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright around 4 months ago I met this girl and her husband. Both very good people I was going through a rough time. She helped me through a lot of it and we became very good friends in the process. Well early on in the friendship I found out her and her husband have a open relationship with rules to keep things safe. I have no problem with that, I can even understand it. Then come 2 months ago one night we were chatting and I realized I had starting liking this girl. Not wanting to open up about it because I honestly felt she didn't feel same and I didn't want things to get awkward so I kept it all to myself. Not knowing at the time she been having dreams about me and feeling much the same. We just put on a friends face.Well a week ago things just seemed to finally break and we both confessed what we felt for each other. She said I can be exception to those rules that her and her hubby keep as a standard. If I wanted to be.The thing is we both have many of the same interest, life and sexual. We seem to read each others minds very often more than either of us can believe at times. Plus she is the first person I have ever been able to be completely myself with she knows things about me no one else knows. Though we both know there is no future in this. Her husband is a great guy, and I got no problems with him. She loves him obviously its just part of their relationship to keep things open.I am just at a loss what to think about it. I am afraid that I may get to attached and she feels shes worried she could do the same. Same time we both want to experience what we have to offer each other. We have some things we got in common as far as sexual interest that her husband doesn't share. At the time being we both agreed that communication will be the key and eventually we will both have to let go.Just so if anyone is confused she is not cheating her husband and her made this agreement before marriage. She doesn't ever sleep around unless she really likes the person and knows their safe. Her and I know there is no future and that her husband is the guy she will be with.I guess I am looking for others opinions. What do you think I should do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor one, before you all go to saying you know what I am thinking stop. I am considering everything here. I came here for insight and advice. I am going to take some time to really think things through. Also I will speak with her.Whether or not you think I am actually listening is your judgment. I appreciate everyone for the help. Now its time for me to take what I have been told by you guys, and real life friends and see what I come to conclusion with.Thanks I appreciate it.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 October 2008):
 If you go ahead with the affair, I feel very confident we will be hearing from you again in a couple months. Very confident.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe is staying with husband. We both know that and have agreed we understand that. My real fear is both of us getting attachment even though the time to let go will come. At the moment we are both still thinking about it. We both know a lot of risk so it is still being thought about.
I don't expect a future in this at all. I guess what we are thinking is some fun. Like I said I am worried it will cross from fun into something harder to control.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (20 October 2008):
 Maybe you should read some of the other posts on here about 'affairs'....from what I read it seems they are never seen as 'long term'...however the amount of times that someones attachment gets too strong, and they want more is unbelievable.
So - I guess what I am saying is that you may FEEL like you enter into this with clearly defined boundaries...but humans and human emotions are never predictable. I would just hate to see you left heartbroken when she stays with her husband OR takes another lover...
good luck deciding
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all I will give this some thought. The only thing is I never planned on this to be more then a temp thing. I wasn't going to close off my options. If someone else were to come along then we were going to end it.
Thanks anyways I will give it some thought.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): Why would you want to subject yourself to this? find someone who is available.
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A
male
reader, totalsum +, writes (19 October 2008):
Dear Wondering if I should date a married woman,
I understand you've became 'friends' already, but
it seems it's all too late to start a healthy re-
lation with the type you and your friend have de-
veloped already ! She is married, duh ! And what
if you do enter into a sexual relationship with
her, even though the couple has an 'open door
policy' between their-selves. What if this hap-
pens and you fall in love with her. You already
say she won't leave him. Leave now, not just the
idea that you can have sex , but even as friends,
you should leave the relationship. There would seem
to be no safe sex here, either physically or emot-
ionally, especially at your age. There would seem
to be no safe relation here either for parties who
are involved. Take a total account of what you so
desire, which I hope is a healthy relationship at
your age, and I sincerly hope you search out the
folks within your own genre whom you will most
likely be more happy with, including YOURSELF !
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle +, writes (19 October 2008):
What would be the point for you really? I'm guessing she's not the first woman you've felt attracted to or shared similar interests with? This scenario is very complex - and if you already have 'feelings' involved it can only really lead to heartache. At your young age (or at any age for that fact)you don;t need this kind of a relationship - you should enter into. Like Q says - there are much better 'options' for you out there! Leave these guys alone and move on for your own sake.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (19 October 2008):
 I am sorry because I know that my answer is going to hurt you, but I feel like an open relationship isn't much of a relationship. There's nothing wrong with having PLATONIC opposite sex FRIENDS, but if you love someone with all your heart, then I feel like you will commit to having sex with that person and that the commitment is sacred. I think that people who have other relationships on the side, whether they're having a secret affair, or an "open" relationship, do it because that second person fills a void that their "main" person doesn't.
When all's said and done, this is your decision to make, but I feel like true fulfillment comes from having a mutual love, a person all your own. It's not sacred when it's shared with a third party... I feel that if you date her then you will regret this in five or ten years.
Think about what you would like to have in a relationship, and do some soul-searching. You may love her, but is a relationship with a committed person the love you always dreamed of? I know that when we fall for someone, we feel like we can't love anyone else... but I'm being realistic.
I'm sorry if I've hurt you, but I think that if you move on that it can open up the door to something better...
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