A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Our brief history is this, we met as lovers, intense poetic, passionate lovers. Eventually we both left our marriages, became supportive friends and lovers discussing love, loss, family, dreams, goals. We keep in constant communication, telephone calls, texts. In March I started to notice he began trying to distance himself, small things like no good mornings or goodnights. Then the intimate stories we told eachother for fun and passion became avoided. Soon he voiced that he believed we should both start dating, dinners, movies dancing with other people. His history lacks dating, was married young and has always wondered about it. We always talk civil, calm, listen and respect one another. We decided that we would remain monogamous lovers Still dating each other but we should be out there post divorce dating others too. It hurt of course, I trust our monogamy and it has been ok since then. Now here comes the serious issue. Had a typical great day, dinner, cuddle nap, played a fun sport then when we returned to his apartment I was expecting the great sex and sleepover we so often indulge in. He wants to talk, he feels we should take sex out of the equation all together. He feel disingenious towards the other women. he. takes on dates, they wonder why he never hits on them, he tells them he never plans too and then in the back of his mind he thinks of how he and I are lovers. He says he has feelings for me, cares for me, loves our friendship too and everything we share, loves the sex, but wants to take sex out and plans to not have sex with anyone until he wants a relationship. Sounds logical but my heart is definitely bruised, feels so rejected. How should I proceed. Really have fallen for this wonderful but confused man. Ps I love myself, not a self hater, just fell in Love with a guy who says he doesn't know what he wants. Please help, don't want to be a dote.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, hard to hear but helpful. My initial response towards him was it did sound like he was out there looking for "the one" so that meant I wasn't it so I should just move on, he became upset and said "that wasn't fair, he didn't want a relationship with any one" So regardless it's painful either way because I obviously feel more and will continue to get hurt, Really appreciate your advice.
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (21 August 2012):
I'm very sorry OP, but it is quite clear that this man does not return your feelings. You're in love, he is not. He has moved you to the friend zone, and he is now pursuing other women.
I also suggest you break off all contact with him. If you remain friends, you will only prolong the hurt. Maybe he will come back... but you should prepare yourself for the likelihood that he won't. What probably happened is that you were used as a bridge, someone who could fill the void in a casual relationship, until this man was ready for a serious relationship. That time has probably come, so he has ended things so he can look for "the one", or at least play the field for a while.
Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the kind and frank advice. I've been so happy with him for the past year that his absence will surely sting, I did tell him that maybe I should just move on and he definitely was upset but if seeing him on our dates is going to hurt every time then I must. Thanks again
A dote is an idiot 8)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 August 2012):
 You are being rejected.
He does not want to make a commitment with you.
He wants to play the field.
He may come back to you at a later date but for now I'd let that pony run.
And for that to be as pain free as possible, I'd go NO CONTACT.
Tell him that as much as you will miss him, you understand his need to "sow his wild oats" and you don't want to hinder that...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 August 2012):
 What's a "dote"?
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