A
male
age
41-50,
*anisanisland
writes:My ex-girlfriend broke up with me almost a year ago. At first, I had a hard time dealing with it and even tried to get her back a couple of times to my own detriment. I finally gave up and haven't spoken to her in several months.Yesterday, a mutual friend tells me she got into a car accident and trashed her car. I'm supposed to be over her, but I find myself still worried for her and wanting to see how she is. I guess I still love her and hearing about her getting hurt brought it all back. I've got all these emotions stirred up and I don't know what to do about it.What should I do?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Just because you are no longer in love with her doesnt mean the "human side of you is not capable of feeling compassion for another person who has suffered a tragedy. I see nothing wrong with paying her a visit. But if you are currently in a relationship with someone else she should definately accompany you because when people are feeling vulnerable after something like this it can cause mixed signals. So to keep things clear dont go without your mate. If you're single just keep it light like you would if visiting a male friend in the hosp. The last thing she needs is confusion.
A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (23 July 2012):
 No, in my opinion it could be a very bad idea.
Example-
My mother was in a bad accident a few days ago. I was at work. When I heard about it, I rushed to the hospital to see her. My ex was already there by her side. I was furious and joyful at the same time. I was happy that she cared enough to see if my mother was ok but I was angry that seeing her for the first time in almost a year, feelings were beginning to be stur in my heart. I DIDN'T want to have those feelings for her again. She got up and apologized for coming without permission. She was just worried about my mother (they used to be close). She said
"Give her my regards." and walked out of my life again. I haven't seen or heard of her since.
My point is, do NOT just pop up out of the blue to visit an ex. Not only will it be awkward, it can be met with angry stares. I know you're only worried about her but if she refuses to be with you again then I'm afraid she doesn't want to see you anymore. Also, I'm sure even if you don't realize it, you visiting her isn't the only goal here. When you see her, not only will feelings return strong but so will the pain when reality sets in that you can't have her. Also, think about this scenario. You pop up just to check on her, but she already has a boyfriend consoling her. I'm willing to bet that no one wants to be in a situation like that. Do you think your heart can handle that outcome?
Mail a post card just sending your regards out to her. Something short and sweet like "Heard through the grapevine you had an accident. Just wanted to make sure you were ok. Take care." It's subtle enough to let her know that you still care AS A FRIEND and not too pushy so that she thinks you're only trying to get back with her. That is all you can do from there. If she wants to see you again then she will contact you and encourage you to keep in contact. If she doesn't want that then she will simply reply with a generic "Thank you, I'm fine" and cut contact again. That's your cue to forget about her once again.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Well, no offense, but she doesn't need an added stress in her life right now- the ex coming back around.
You obviously care about her, and you are worried about her, so if you must- have your mutual friend give her a get well or sympathy card.
That way, you are showing you care, but you allow her to have the ball in her court- she can either receive the card and ignore you, or receive it and open up the doors to conversation. But she should be the one to decide this, you can't blame her if she wants to keep things from the past stay in the past.
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