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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: The guy I've been seeing for the past 3 months has been kind of distant. I moved to a new city for work. Now I'm about an hour away and we haven't really had the break up talk. He doesn't pick up calls and he doesn't answer texts reliably. I feel like a nuisance if I contact him.Realistically, I know we can't do long distance, but I just wish I could at least talk about us not seeing each other plainly and get some closure. I was hoping we were that close at least.I met him online and disabled my okcupid profile about 2 weeks after I met him. Partly because answering other people didn't interest me, and partly because I didn't want to see if he was online chatting with any other ladies either. I don't really like feeling jealous.Well tonight, curiosity got the better of me, I logged in for the first time in over 3 months and sure enough he had been online just two nights ago and changed his profile photo with a vacation photo from 2 weeks ago. I'm not angry so much that he was looking. I can understand it rationally, but I wish he had closed shop with me first! For the record, I just deleted my account after I saw he'd been looking for dates.I don't really want to date anyone. I can sense it's over, but I miss him. I guess I feel a bit slighted.Should I consider us over?Any advice on how to broach a closure talk?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (2 August 2011):
 Yes I think this is finished. He has moved on. Don't waste any time on him. Let things go.
A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (2 August 2011):
 Yes, this is over. He has pulled away. Don't bother to get in touch because he isn't interested. The reason is that he doesn't pick up calls, doesn't want to text back and has changed pics and is active on the site. Don't let him know you have ended things, just don't contact anymore.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17  +, writes (2 August 2011):
Call him with the intention of ending it in a brief phone conversation for your own closure.
If he doesn't pick up, leave a business like message that you need to speak to him.
If he doesn't call back, then fire off an email saying everything you want and then delete his number, and block him on okcupid and every other thing that might tempt you to write or check up on him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): I know contacting him one last time to officially break up would give you a chance to get things off your chest, but what is the point unless the person you're speaking to actually cares? You'd be better off scribbling your thoughts on a bathroom wall.
If this man was a stand up guy, you'd have heard from him by now. I really don't think he deserves the courtesy of hearing from you one last time to do what he ought to have done himself.
It's not nice that you're going through this, but this discomfort will pass. You had some good times you and he and you can enjoy those memories and look forward to a bright future.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (2 August 2011):
 I would definitely consider the relationship over with. The way I would bring this up is by being blatant. If he won't answer his phone, leave a message stating that you understand the relationship is over, but you feel you deserved the respect of being told rather than just being ignored. Keep it short and business-like and leave it at that. If he doesn't call you back, that message was your closure. If he does, go from there.
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