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Should I confront him about this or should I let it go if we talk normally again?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 16 August 2018)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So I have been a little upset this week, because my boyfriend of 7 months, which is older than me (he is 46) I am 30, has not text me this whole week, on Tuesday he just send me a video through Whatsapp, I rather a ''Hi my love'', not a video.

He likes to send me videos that his friends send him, sometimes funny, society, science etc, the one he sent me was more about people interactions in Asia or something like that, I was annoyed cause I was expecting a message, so obviously since it was a video I did not reply, I just felt like meh, whatever.

I want to mention that this man has been very good to me, he has been very giving, loving, attentive, have details, etc. His family came like 2 weeks ago and I met his mother, aunt and stepdad,

his mother liked me a lot, his aunt.

This past weekend I stayed over his new bought house(which needs a lot of fixing and has him somewhat stressed) and everything was fine, we went out, had fun, I cooked for him.

He is worried about the amount of money he has to put in this house to fix it, but he already found someone who is going to help him with some things for way cheaper. He also needs to find a person to rent an efficiency that the home has (they build the garage as an efficiency) to help him with the monthly mortgage, so he wouldn't be that tight.My boyfriend has a good job, that pays him well, but it's way too much money he has to invest in the home, so it's not enough.He has his hands kind of full now with his new house.

I don't know if something is wrong, and he got mad that I did not reply to the video, which is silly cause you don't reply to a video, I do admit that I like him to always initiate contact, I have this issue from a long time, that I feel better when the man initiates contact, maybe he is mad that I never text him first?

Or he does not feel the same way. I know he has been getting online on his Whatsapp, maybe not a lot, but he has been on it. I don't know what to think.what do you guys think?

View related questions: cheap, money, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (16 August 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntHas he rang you through the week? Or saw you through the week? Or was it simply no contact at all? Him sending videos is obviously his way off saying hello.

Maybe he thinks they will make you smile and maybe he is not a good texter. I don't understand why something like this would annoy you. I think you should reply to a video, how do you think it makes him feel not having any reply?

You say he has been good to you so why is texting so important to you? You have met his family it sounds like he treats you well so I really don't see the issue here? Does he give you his time?

Okay so he is stressed with the house at the moment, that is understandable, but it doesn't sound like he is taking the stress out on you? I get that he is busy but he still had you over for the weekend, you had fun, he took you out, you cooked, sounds like you had a good time.

What do you think is wrong? I find you contradicting yourself as you got upset it wasn't a message but a video instead and then you call him silly because you didn't reply. Which I find rude. If someone sent me a video I would reply back with something. It is still a form off communication. He wants to share with you what his friends share with him, I find that sweet.

You want him to do all the work, which is totally unfair. How do you think it makes him feel that you never text him or make any effort? A relationship works both ways, you need to show interest as well! He obviously sends you videos to get your attention then probably feels upset that you don't even bother replying. It must make him feel unwanted.

I think you need to start making more off an effort here. It sounds like you are focusing on the silliest off little things and it has been seven months now! Surely what is important is the way he treats you? I honestly thought that this post was from a teenage girl annoyed that her boyfriend won't text her.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 August 2018):

Honeypie agony auntBreak the pattern? If you KNOW the pattern that that it wasn't good for you and the relationship in the past, WORK on not repeating the past.

I think you HAVE to learn to accept that when he shares a funny video it's BECAUSE the thought of you and wanted to SHARE that with you.

So sending back a text - like UH that was funny/cheerful/whatever would be pretty natural.

Then you can ADD GLAD to know you thought of me.

And honestly? TRY and spend more time in person. YOU CANNOT carry on a healthy relationship over text and funny videos... unless you are a teenager.

I also think that the notion of DOING little things for a partner is really the BEST way to SHOWING them what you would like reciprocated with having to TELL them what to do.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2018):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

@Honeypie, i think that maybe my problem is that i am too insecure, and this is like chronic anxiety from relationships in the past, i have had the same pattern in past relationships.I dont know what to do to help with this issue?!!.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 August 2018):

Honeypie agony auntWhy can't YOU send him a text or ... pick up the phone and call him? You are 20! not 13!

That way, you can SHOW him without TELLING him what you like. If you like more communication, YOU start them. See if he picks up the hint. OR... (novel idea) just tell him! I'd love to hear from you more often when we are apart.

If you have been dating for 7 months it's HIGH time YOU also show your interest and be the one to text/call first. It shouldn't just be the MAN that does that.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (11 August 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntDoes he normally text you more? Calls are worth more than texts.

When I was with my first boyfriend, we could text a lot, talk for hours on the phone (at the beginning) and we'd send each other video messages that I really treasured. The phone calls got a bit more awkward for us because we just find calls difficult with anyone. We relied on texts and video chats, in between fortnightly to bi-monthly visits in person. It worked for us and you have to find what works for you both.

Texts are great because there's no rush to read and reply, but it's not good if that's avoided for a week and there are no phone calls or anything. That said, you NEED to start putting the effort in and initiating. Someone initiating a conversation makes you feel good, so why would you never do that for him?

Regarding the video he sent: My boyfriend and I are not together now, but we are still good friends and we "tag" each other on videos on social media a couple of times per week or so - it shows that we found something cute/cool/interesting and thought to share it with each other. There are few things as special as thinking of someone when you see something and wanting to share it with them. We always reply to let each other know we've seen it and what we think.

It would have been nice for you to do the same, since he wanted to show you something.

OP, you're asking the wrong people. Go for coffee/lunch with your boyfriend and COMMUNICATE OPENLY. Don't get upset or angry, just ASK him why and don't be accusatory about any of it. Discuss how it made you feel and ASK HIM how HE feels. Then make the effort to initiate sometimes and rely more on phone calls or video chats than texts. Reply if he's wanted to show you a video; you'd hate to show someone something in person and they ignore it - same goes for something shared over the phone.

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