A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First of all a bit of background. My husband and I are in our mid 20's, married since January this year, expecting our first child and very short of money due to my husbands variable work hours. My husband also has Aspergers syndrome (diagnosed as a child) and receives Disability Living Allowance because of this. Recently we went to ask for some financial advice to do with maternity pay etc and whilst we were there, the lady talking to us said that because my husband is receiving DLA, that I would be able to register as his carer and receive an allowance for this. Whilst I can see the sense of this financially, it does concern me that this might have a negative affect on our relationship in the sense that instead of being 50/50 it could be seen (officially at least) to be that my husband is somehow inferior. It also concerns me that our child could grow up thinking that his Dad's condition means that he isn't a proper member of society. As it is hereditary there is also the chance that our son could have the same condition.There is an element of care in our relationship in that my husband can't understand finances or official documents very well and has to have it explained to him why it's not a good idea to do certain things such as make a fire on the bathroom tiles during a power cut (he came to ask me first).I'm in 2 minds about what to do right now, any insight would be greatly appreciated
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 April 2013):
 You are already his carer, so if you can get a little extra financial help, then why not?
Nobody has to know you are claiming. It won't be a huge deal for the kids because it simply isn't a big deal!!
They are going to grow up knowing their dad has his own ways of doing stuff, so whatever anyone else thinks is irrelevant.
Now if your husband objects to you being his carer on paper, then that's a different issue.
However if things are ok as they are and you are both working and finances are not tight, then you might not want to claim and that is also ok.
I am not sure if the carers payment is deducted from the DLA payment, you might have to check that before you sign anything, but knowing our government it would not surprise me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): You being listed as his carer on official documents does not change your role in his life as his wife or his as your husband. It does not change your relationship status as it affects you as a family in your own home. If anything, receiving the additional allowance could help your family finances overall. Really, it is a box that can be ticked to give your family a little more financial assistance for a role you already do out of love.While you didn't directly ask, I think you may be concerned that your husband will have his pride hurt if you are listed as his carer. Have you asked him what his feelings are? Have you approached him at all about what you were told about the additional allowance? Just tell him that you qualify to receive more money (which will help your family finances) because technically as his wife you fit the government's definition as his carer. The lady told you that you could receive the financial assistance, but you wanted to ask him first because it is about him as well.If he says no, do not get upset. Ask his reasons and try to understand where he is coming from.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (5 April 2013):
 You're overthinking things here. Of course you should register as his "carer". That doesn't mean you change things with him, it merely makes an intelligent decision to utilize all financial resources at your and your husband's disposal.
Remember, the only way to end a stigma is to refuse to give into it. A disability doesn't make someone inferior. That's the stigma you either have the power to disarm or perpetuate. That answers the question about your kid too. You teach him that disability doesn't equal inferiority.
You fill out the forms and then be done with it. It changes nothing except benefits the family by helping you get an allowance for what you already do anyways.
In my opinion, this is an absolute no-brainer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013):
I have a some with a whole list of medical conditions including autism ., you are aware you will not be able to leave your child alone with your husband ? That the burden if care will be solely yours? The reason why I say this is due to what you wrote about your husband risking his and your life by wanting to start a fire in the bathroom . He is in no position to be able to care for your child as your husband is by your example very much a child himself..
By what you state you are already caring for your husband having carets allowance is only stating what you do at the minute..
Take care and congratulations to you both..
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