A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm married almost 6 years to my husband . We are both similar age and have two children together. I'm with my husband since i was 21 and im begining to worry. He is always been a flirt to others it is his personality i've grown to accept because it is harmless and he hasnt done anything. However his cousin who he is close to introduced us to his now fiance about 9 months ago. His fiance is 21 or 22 and they are together 2 years but we didnt meet her until then. At the time she was a little overweight and not a very confident girl but since her wedding is on the way she has lost a lot of weight and looks like a model. She's slim and long brunette hair and looks incredible since her weight loss which makes me hate her deeply inside. My husband since day one is always talking to her when we are out. Even when she was overweight. He would talk to her in a low voice so no one else could hear him. I found the chats were harmless but i hated how he would chat to her the second his cousin would go to the toilet. My husband is very sarcastic and can be a little mean however he is always 100% nice to this girl never gives a rude mean joke always pleasent and nice. He is always laughing with her or joking on nights out and he even gave her a phone he wasnt using for free. My husband isnt the type to give things away for free. He always wants to either stand beside her or be in her view its confusing me and everytime I look at him he is staring at her constantly just dosent stop its like he has to make sure shes listening to everything he says to others. I admit she is a very sweet goodlooking girl and I do find her a threat to myself , I like her but i do not like how my husband suddenly changes when she walks in the room. She dosen't try to flirt back to him just has a laugh but since she has lost weight It is making me uncomfortable. I have said things to him and he tells me not to start that im over exagerating that he likes the girl and shes very nice . When his cousin calls up to our house and she isn't there straight away my husbands says why didnt you bring her? It's making me so mad even though she has never done anything but i'm afraid that he is attracted to her. As his wife I want to be the only person he finds attractive. Do you think he likes her in another way? I'm worried he does. What should i do?
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cousin, fiance, flirt, overweight, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, empty-1  +, writes (14 June 2015):
Your husband will be attracted to other females. You absolutely MUST accept this as FACT, or you will drive him away with your jealous insecure and unrealistic expectations.
However.
It is PERFECTLY reasonable for you to expect him to modulate his reaction to being attracted to someone. If he is doing something or saying things that make you uncomfortable, then HE needs to address the discomfort he is causing his wife.
He probably is attracted to her. However, that does NOT make her a threat to you.
You say that he always behaved this way around her, but it only started to make you uncomfortable since she lost the weight. You also mentioned that her weight loss makes you hate her deep down inside.
That is NOT a healthy thought pattern. You need to see to your own house of cards. This thought pattern of insecurity, jealousy, and possessive clingy neediness, will do more than make you uncomfortable. This thought pattern can subtly, slowly, but quite surely poison the way you interact with your husband, and that will poison him against you - slowly and subtly, so that he doesn't even notice himself starting to find you less attractive to be around. Doesn't even notice himself starting to get annoyed and frustrated with your behaviors and habits. Doesn't even notice a "yeah, she's pretty to look at" sort of attraction for -her- turning in to more of a "yeah, I'd like to see if we can hit it off" sort of attraction.
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