A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I got a bit of a juicy one for ya. I've been going out with my girlfriend a little over a year now, and we've had some really good times, along with a few rough patches. Lately, its been all good, really. However, I'm 22 and she is 25. I have had the feeling from the beginning that she might be looking for more in our relationship than just a couple of years of fun. Like I said, I'm 22, its odd enough having a long term girlfriend. So, recently, she says to me "I would marry you in the morning, you're the only one for me, I'll never love anyone again like I love you, I'm yours forever, promise you'll be mine forever". Fair enough, she had a few drinks in her, but its set me thinking. I have way too many wild oats to sew, although I do love her very much. I'm not sure I see us toghether forever, but I love her.So, should I sew those oats, i.e. mess around on her, but stay with her fulfilling both our desires, or should I suggest that she cool it for a while as I'm not ready (at the risk of her thinking I want to break up), or just end it? Or what, any other suggestions??
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female
reader, DIE-romantic.  +, writes (1 September 2007):
 If you love her you wouldnt even think about cheating on her.
Cheating is horrible and no-body deserves it, especially the people you love.
If you cant see you being together forever, just take it as it comes, and if its not meant to work out it wont.
But if you want to go ahead and sew those seeds rather than care about her feelings, go ahead, cheat on her or just put her out of her misery and dump her.
Then she can find someone who wouldnt even consider being unfaithful to her.
Im not having a go and Im not judging, I just think its bad to say you love her and then think of cheating.
Take care xxx
Dont do something you may regret in the future.
A
female
reader, Skeez +, writes (25 August 2007):
 What? Im sorry but I cant believe what Im hearin.
No! do not dare cheat on her! I cant stand cheaters. Im sorry Im not trying to be nasty here BUT You have to realise that playing off with someone else is not going to do justice. Ever!
You said that youve been going out with your girlfriend for over a year. That is a long term relationship. But you say you dont want one? Youd rather play around with other girls. You obviously dont love her or have any respect for her. Let her go to find someone who really does care about her and will think about her first. Or just talk to her and make it clear you are not ready to take the next step with her...yet! If your not even going to do that then just quit this whole relationship. Let her mend her heart with someone who cares.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): Man, you DON'T love her. If you truly loved her, this would not be an issue for you. She obviously wants more than you are willing to give her. She will be upset if you break up, but not nearly as much as she would be if you cheated on her. If casual sex is what you're looking for, make sure you are not with her when you engage in it. She deserves better.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 Pay attention to happytochat. She is telling you all you need to know. Also, what if YOU wanted a serious relationship, and SHE were the one to sow the wild oats? How would you feel? How would you feel to know she entertained the same thoughts you're entertaining now?
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A
female
reader, LadyKeylon  +, writes (25 August 2007):
I agree with happytochat...if the question stands in your mind therein is the issue. If it is wild oats you must sow let her go forward to a loving serious relationship her heart will heal and there will be another and set yourself free to do as you please.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): I think you need to sit down and talk to her about things that you are feeling. Cheaters never win hunny you seriously won't want to cheat on her because if she finds out the relationship is over for sure but if you sit down and tell her that you're not ready for that kind of relationship and take a little break from the relationship but make sure you let her know how much you love her but you just aren't ready for a long term commitment yet.
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A
female
reader, Lizz +, writes (25 August 2007):
 Well, by NO means should you be unfaithful to her. I can tell you that will hurt her more deeply than anything you could possibly do by cheating. Age doesn't have everything to do with how willing you are to commit. It depends on your state of mind. You are in "party mode" as I like to call it. You want to have fun while you're young and that's understandable, only your girl is getting different signals from you. She wouldn't have told you of her willingness to commit unless she believed you reciprocated the same feelings. Leading someone on is not acceptable in any way. I don't understand how you could "plan" on only a couple of years with someone. It makes me wonder what kind of relationships you've been in previously/how you were raised. Perhaps your parents behaved in a similar way leading you to believe it is acceptable to cheat in some cases. Most people try to find "the one" for them in every relationship. You seem to only want "the one" for now. My advice: set the poor girl free. Even though you will undoubtedly break her heart, you do not truly love her. You couldn't truly love someone you'd be willing to scar with unfaithfulness. I suggest you be more up front in the future. Let the girl know what you're about before she makes the mistake of falling in love with you.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (25 August 2007):
One of your suggestions of what you could do was stay with her and 'mess her around', but stay with her so u can fulfil 'both your desires'. This girl wants a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP, how is you messing around with her, by cheating fulfiling her desires? Its not! So I cant see how you can even say you would be keeping her happy just because she may not know about it.
In all honestly, you obviously dont want to be in a relationship. So really you should end the relationship. Sure it may hurt her feelings, but it would hurt her A LOT more if you cheated on her and stayed in the relationship when she could be out finding another guy who will truly be able to commit to her and you can be out sleeping around just as you want :) Both parties win in the long run here, its for the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): Oh give the poor girl a break and finish the relationship! If you know that you do not want anything long term with her just set her free to find a man who does want that. As for sowing your wild oats ... dont do it when you are still together, that is just cruel. Imagine how she would feel if she ever found out.
You are young and want to have fun so be honest with her, tell her its over. There is no point in either of you being in this relationship if you both want different things from it.
Yeah it will hurt her, but its better she knows now and not after you have cheated on her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): hi well frist you need to tell her that you do love her but ur not ready to move on to the next step, you should sit her dwn and tell her how u feel you dont no she may wait for u
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A
female
reader, bovvalicious +, writes (25 August 2007):
 dont cheat on her because if she finds out she wil never trust you again. just sit her down and explain if she truly loves uoi she will understand and be sensitive to your feelings
hope all goes well
xx
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 Tell her to chill out man, if you cheat on her she'll feel like shit if she finds out, if you break up its a bit of a waste, take the risk of asking her to relax.
Either she'll stop or she won't if she doesn't then goto the drastic measures and dump her or cheat or w/e.
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