A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I thought I loved my wife when we met. It may have been many things that caused me to feel the way I did and do for her. I feel like I'm staying in the marriage for duty rather than anything else. The problem comes where an ex girlfriend of mine has re-expressed her strong feelings towards me. She is married as well and says she is not happy in it. We both live in a fantasy world claiming to each other how much we want to be together. I have questions as to having affairs, getting a divorce, or just staying in the marriage and joining the rest of the many men that cannot or will not allow themselves to be happy in order that their family be happy. My question is, should I be selfish and risk the possibility of messing one relationship up and eventually being right back in the same situation? My wife is pregnant now and its been suggested several times that it would be better on the children if divorce is done sooner than later.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): Part of being married means to sacrifice. And love is a verb which implies action and not just feeling. If the "spark" or romance has waned, what part did you play in that loss and what have you done to rekindle it?
I say now more than ever is the time to get to know your partner again and fall in love with her again. If you cannot conceive of doing this; a new relationship or fling will not teach you a damn thing and running away is a cowards way.
Will this always be how you will "Fall out of love" and move onto another? That sounds callous and I think married men, father's have more honor than that. You are important to your children and wife so don't let doubts, fears, insecurities cloud over this. You are loved and accepted and I garuantee if your family could know what you are thinking, fighting temptation over...they would be heartbroken and wonder why, was it worth it? Are they not worth the sacrifice, your love, your respect?
Being married and a parent means to forego certain freedoms and let's face it, infidelity is not an answer and will only bring pain, unhappiness, and regret.
Get some couple's counselling and individual counselling-you owe it to yourself, your wife, your children.
Be responsible and accountable.
In the end, if you are still bent on self destructing in the guise of missing out or temporary happiness...then have the balls to divorce first.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (20 June 2007):
 You both only want each other from the drama of it being taboo...wanting what you can not have. You and your ex broke up once already. You had your chance, and it did not work out. Put your lust aside...that is all it is.
Your wife is pregnant, and it is NORMAL for a man to feel a little less attraction to a lover of his that he must now see as a mother-to-be.
Forget your ex, and cut all communication with her. There is no hope for that relationship.
-FBK
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