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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I were pretty close before we dated. We didn't have sex but did other stuff. We were at college and we were leaving for a holiday. I told him to do whatever he wanted I didn't want to stop him. He said he wasn't going to do anything. He ended up sleeping with his ex girlfriend. He told me about it and I was hurt but we ended up dating anyway. Recently I just found out that he slept with her more than once over that holiday break and got someting (he didn't say what) from a different ex girlfriend. He has not cheated on me while we were together. I'm still hurt that he would do anything while we were about to start dating and were in a complicated relationship. Should I be mad?
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male
reader, lboy  +, writes (3 October 2006):
 hi reader,
i don't think that you should be too mad at this guy you did tell him to do what he wanted over this holiday and he obviously did, but i do see where your coming from he should have thought about what he was doing and how it would affect you. as long as you think that you can trust him and you know that he hasn't cheated on you at all so far then i think that you should just forgive and forget. write back and tell us how it went, we like to here back from readers.
good luck
lboy
xxx
A
female
reader, camille +, writes (3 October 2006):
 To be honest, the only response I can give is this, don't say something to someone unless you mean it. Don't say it to test them and then get mad at them when they do what you said you were fine with. I'm sorry but if you told him to do whatever he wanted, that's a green light. You say "I didn't want to stop him", I think you're kidding yourself. It sounds like what you were in fact doing was covering yourself as you suspected he may sleep with someone while you were away. By telling him to do what he wanted, it was like you were covering yourself just in case. Making it seem like you were cool with it may have felt like it could excuse him or maybe even protect you from pain. That's a double edged sword as in fact you didn't want him to do what he wanted in case that meant he'd sleep with someone, which he did. As you were both single at the time, you just have to put it to the back of your mind. It's not unusual for people to have 'one last fling' before getting into a relationship of some kind. Technically he didn't cheat on you, but you probably feel like he did. Concentrate on the present with him and try to forget about the past. He's with you, that's the important thing to remember.
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