A
female
age
30-35,
*2dafreakinj
writes:My girlfriend abruptly broke up with me about 5 weeks ago after I had confessed to her that I had been doing speed for a week straight.A quick background: She left a abusive relationship in June. We became exclusive in November. She had deployed at the end of December to the middle east (she's in the military) for 4 months. I've never had a lover sent off to war so I took it a bit harder than I thought I would. Thus the speed use. But I stopped. I was just experimenting and trying to deal with my loneliness (not the best idea I know). I have drug tests results to prove it. To be honest, I don't believe that my speed use is a good enough reason or the main reason she left me.What we had was special. I treated her like a queen. I don't mean to sound cocky but she'll never find anyone who will be as patient, caring, and loving as me. I left her alone per her request. And we haven't talked since. But I did email her the results of all the drugs tests I've taken for her.Still, nothing.First question: Is the reason she abandoned everything we had fully justified? Second question: Is that even the reason? Is there a chance she's seeing someone else and just used my confession as an excuse to end it without telling me about her infidelity?Third question: Should I continue being loyal to a relationship that no longer exists in hopes that she'll take me back when she comes back from the desert? Or should I just move on?
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broke up, drugs, infidelity, military, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, p2dafreakinj +, writes (22 June 2009):
p2dafreakinj is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for all the advice.
I realized that neither of us is mature or "stable" enough to get into a relationship so I accepted my mistake and the fact that its over and moved on.
She wanted to stay friends so I tried but I couldn't handle the constant, bipolar-like mindfxck bullshxt of "i love you. lets back together...ha, just kidding. let me invite you over so you walk in on me and your best guy friend getting it on."
Needless to say, I've cut her out of my life completely and couldn't be happier. I've been staying clean and focusing on what I need to get done in my life...like attending the college of my dreams in September. Wish me luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): from someone who has lost someone to drugs...I would say the drug issue is good enough...specially if she had a relationship like that in the past and it raised red flags...
me personally....would never date soemone who does drugs
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A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 I think for her, the drug use was a huge reason. I agree with Cat, that she had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, and finding out you were messing around with speed is most likely not something she even wants to begin to get mixed up with.
My ex ruined our marriage for meth, and I can honestly say I have no desire to ever be with anyone willing to jeopardize his health rather than be with me.
Is it a snap judgment? Yes. But its the safest choice for people who have been seriously hurt before. Just give her space, and stay sober. Actions speak louder than words.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I know people who have certain convictons about taking drugs. There are people out there that will not date someone who has even smoked a cigarette. In her eyes maybe you experimenting was enough for her to not want to be with you. And as far as being faithful if it seems to be going nowhere you might want to just move on but that is your choice. If you want to wait a couple of weeks or months before you start dating again wait she might come around but don't waste tou life waiting if nothing will happen. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Wow, both of you have issues that need to be approached with serious care.
For what it's worth, here's my thoughts:
Her:
1. She had an abusive relationship in the past. She probably saw "red flags" with your taking drugs, based on her past experience. It only natural that she wats to protect herself this time.
2. Did you take the test for her, or for yourself? Change has to come from within yourself, not based on a request by others. She may have sensed that you were a bit defensive in your efforts to prove to her, which in itself is a red flag.
3. She is a conflict or post conflict zone right now. We only need to look at the electronic, printed and broadcasted news to hear that anything could happen out there (believe me, I have been in a post conflict area too, though very briefly). If your relationship is still new, she may have been thinking that she wanted to spare you the worry of thinking about her out in the desert.
You:
1. Do you have a history for taking drugs in the past? Are you in medical counselling right now?
2. You admitted that you were only experimenting with drugs even though you know it was not good for you. This shows that you consciously made a bad judgement, and to her that probably did not make sense. And to be honest with you, I think that is lame on your part. Sorry for the blunt truth. However, I am glad that you are not doing it anymore, and I hope you stay strong in avoiding its usage again.
3. Your question her fidelity sounded more like a potential accusation to me. In the time that you were together with her, were you aware of her infidelity while with you or her confiding to you of it in her past relationship?
4. In my opinion, people who say they are not cocky usually are. And vice versa, people who say they are "humble" often are not so humble after all. LOL. She probably noticed that too.
That said, I think you should move on and accept that she also has moved on. Being in a military, frequent (short and long term) deployment potentials will always be in the horizon for her. One needs to be of a very strong heart and open mind to be in partnership with a military person. You caring and loving her with all your heart may not be enough for her. Stronger trust, stronger you (to be faithful as well as to be able to withstand the loneliness while you are away from each other), and support for each other's well being, may also some of the characters she needs from you.
Your question on whether or not you should be loyal to her is really up to you. It is like, forgive the analogy, your being a true fan/believer of a certain magazine. You may not subcribe to it now for one reason or another, but you would readily subscribe to it again when it becomes available to you and you do not hold it against the publisher for taking it out of circulation.
Please think positively in your life. Negative thinking (often unnecessary) about people is very corrosive and could erode away the good times that you could have in life. Life is too short.
Stay strong, and please stay off drugs (and other potentially addictive substances)!
Cat
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A
male
reader, cupids_friend +, writes (27 February 2009):
The best thing that I can think of is just wait for now if she does not talk to you for about 2 weeks move on and I aint shure she might of been aring someone else and just used you as a justified reason. Or else when you sent her the drug test then she would at least say something to you so just wait a little and give it a little time I hope this helps please let me know I am going to watch this just let me know
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