A
male
age
30-35,
*lporrego
writes:Yesterday night my girlfriends grandmother died. I want to be there for her but she's really not letting me. She tried to avoid me today... But she ended up talking to me. Overall she's been very mean to me... I don't bring up her grandmother because i know she doesn't want to talk about it... But she's still sending off hateful signals.. She's refraining from telling me she loves me as well... What can i do? WHat do i do? Im so confused and scared.. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Well, obviously this relationship is not working out if she doesn't trust you enough to share the sadness she is feeling. Are you sure you didn't do something to hurt her or didn't forget to do somehting she expected you to do? Did you offer to be with her at the funeral home, etc.? Did you offer her enough support?
Maybe she is the tough type of girl. When I was a teen I didn't like to show off my feelings because I felt ridiculous (thanks to my family who always had something to say about how I was reacting to everything).
If I cried because I was watching a sad movie or something they would laugh and point at me or say I didn't had to cry because the movie wasn't real, etc. So I developed a defense mechanism, and when I felt emotionally vulnerable I always tried to look tough and acted like I was in a bad mood, instead so they would leave me alone.
These type of things happen in dysfunctional families. Of course, she might be too young to understand if she is living in a dysfunctional family or to be aware of her own defense mechanisms. I had to study psychology, read a lot and analyze my family and my feelings towards them to understand all of this.
Dysfunctional families and emotionally wounded teens are very common all over the world, so I wouldn't be surprised if your girlfriend doesn't want you to see her cry and suffer because she is protecting herself from looking weak and vulnerable as a defense mechanism.
If you feel this is not her case, maybe you should call her parents and give them your sympathy for the family loss and maybe you could ask them if they know what's going on with her.
If you are from Chile you must know spanish so: Bendiciones.
A
male
reader, cupids_friend  +, writes (27 February 2009):
Okay what it sounds like us her grandmother was very close to her and she lost her what it sounds like to me is that she still likes you but is going through a hard Time right now just be their for her and help her through this time the worst thing you could do is break up with her just don't do that I hope this helps if not please let me know
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A
male
reader, Islander +, writes (27 February 2009):
 well for right now i would suggest that you tell her about how you feel on the way she's been acting. and tell her how much you lover her and that you will be there for her whenever she needs you and most of all show it.
ps: i'm sorry to hear the lost of your g/f's grandmother it really hurts when you lose someone you love in your life
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