A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had a pregnancy termination last week as my partner and I agreed we are not ready to bring a child into the world. We have been together over a year. The contraceptive failure was my mistake (forgot to take the pill for a couple of days) and he says he was shocked as he thought he had a green light and I couldn't get pregnant at that time. He dropped me off at the clinic and we spent the rest of the day together, it wasn't a pleasant experience. Here is my question - I paid for the procedure - over $200. I only work part time (I have a 4 year old daughter a previous relationship) and he earns three times what I do , yet he did not give me any money, even a day after the procedure, and did not offer to pay at any stage, even though he asked me beforehand how much it would cost. I am really, really upset about this. I don't know why. Am I just being silly? I can hardly look at him! And no, I don't have any regrets at all, but not sure if I really want to be with this man anymore.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): I totally agree with asian tealeaf about splitting the cost. When something like this happens, it is the fault of both parties. My girlfriend and I made a mistake many years ago and it ended in a termination. I took off work, losing pay as I had not been there long enough, took her there, waited for her and took her home. We agreed at the beginning that it was best to split the cost equally. After all, it was the fault of both of us. I also made about 2X what she did and she did not think it would be fare for me to pay the entire cost.
A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (20 February 2008):
 I think u both should foot the costs of the abortion dear. it takes two. he deposited his semen in u, u forgot to take ur pills. so u should of payed 100 $ and he should of footed the rest. i would not demand him to pay the entire thing. what righjt do we women think we have to demand men to pay everything and in full? remember it took two to accidentally create this unwanted child. i would approach him tactfully and ask him what he thinks if he could reimburse u 100$ if he is ignorant about it or refuses to pay up, than dont make a stink about it. just walk away. and dont cry over him dear. love is a dime a dozen. u will love many times berfore u find ur soulmate. good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): Get your money back demand it and get the hell away from him, abort him also. There are a lot of reasons I could go into but I won't because the very nature of this issue, and selfish indifference combined you'll find yourself with him at some time in the near future. The only question is will you have the satisfication of having your money back.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 February 2008):
 Maybe, he thinks it is your fault and you are liable for that payment.
He should offer to pay for the job if he is genuinely in love with you .Even if he has no money , he can give you a promise to pay when he has the cash.
He treats you like a lover only where you pay for your everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): He could have done the decent/gentlemanly thing and paid for it. My feeling is that it is rather petty to split hairs about whose 'fault' it is. Is he usually 'tight' with money? My partner is generous with money but can be 'tight' when he feels there is a principle (of his!) at stake and he can be bloody stubborn once he digs his heels in and this has upset me because it makes me think he does not care, although of course, he DOES care, as your partner probably does. The problem is his behaviour. Is he trying to 'make you pay for your own mistake' as it were? If so, he is treating you a bit like a child. Men can be punitive like this. Without knowing the personality that he has it is hard to say. The bottom line for me would be to say to him what's done is done, you made a mistake with the tablets, you did not INTEND to get pregnant, however you are both in a sexually active relationship you both had sex and enjoyed it and the resulting pregnancy concerned both of you and you are a team etc etc ? It is what it is. I would feel hurt too, as though he was saying I caused the problem so I can sort it out. He may not mean to be nasty but it could be worth talking it through with him. Maybe he can buy you a really nice present to make up for it, or give you some money to reimburse. We all make mistakes sometimes. Has he never made any mistakes himself?? You are probably feeling emotional after what your body has been through anyway, hormonally, physically and emotionally etc .. How long have you been together? I think if you talk it through with him he will see your point and he might make it up to you. In terms of your own feelings, I can see how you would be upset as I would be too. I suppose we learn about people as we live with them, the more time goes on. I wondered if he was being punitive or just simply being unthinking. You won't know until you speak to him but it's not healthy for partners to be judgmental and punishing of each other as this can cause deeper problems in the relationship. Just talk to him calmly and think through what you want to say before you speak to him (I know from my own previous experience it doesn't always do to speak to them when you are feeling emotional). Tell him how you feel but be calm about it. I hope you feel better soon. Take care xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): Hi Hunny,
Just because you forgot doesnt mean its your fault entirly as mistakes can happen and we learn from them love, Im so sorry for your pain I have been through this at 16 and it was the most upsetting time for me, I still think about it now but Im more possitive now.
Talk with your fella hunny and say you made a mistake and you have payed for it in more ways than one as it is your body and its so upsetting and your mind will work overtime sweetheart, Ask him if there is anyway he could help with the expense as you are finding it a struggle, You no it was a mistake and he should no you have been through alot as it is draining emotionally and mentally so you are going to feel depressed at mo but you will get better as time goes on you have experienced a loss no matter if it was a choice its not a choice you want on a daily basis its a hard thought provoking choice. Talk with him love.
Im sending you a link that will help in times you feel low hunny I hope things get better soon
http://www.living-well.org/LifeAfterAbortion.php
I hope this helps sweetheart if you need a chat mess me anytime sweetpea TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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