A
female
age
36-40,
*ipsydoodlenoodle
writes:I’ve a question, what would you think about the following situation?Ok I was looking at some past chat logs on my bf's computer (I wouldn’t normally, just I really don’t trust the girl he was talking to). My bf isn’t naturally very flirty yet he flirts with her, they talk about past relationships (in quite a lot of detail which I may add upsets me as to the amount of detail he was talking about with his ex etc) anyway; he said to her “I’m horny but there is no one here to help me”“I am disappointed at the lack of skin (topless) photos on her profile”“I’m dreading telling my gf I’m going to a rock festival …. Etc …got no I don’t want to invite her, I can’t be myself”I must admit she was kind of flirty back but not overly and I also didn’t want to read anymore after this.I confronted him about it and his responses were;To the horny comment – we were winding her up (him and his flatmates – I don’t believe this as it was midnight-ish)And the rock festival comment was; I would want to stay and look after you rather than spend time with my friend – which I do believe as he is caring in front of his friends.Anyway what would you all make from the horny comments?Thank you x
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female
reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle +, writes (18 February 2008):
Dipsydoodlenoodle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey xemzybabex and Tuatara thanks for your answer, it’s so much easier to know other people who have been in the same situation and worked through it. I agree but I’d rather him not flirt on MSN as if I did exactly the same back then I’m sure he wouldn’t like it. I see it as if you wouldn’t do it when the other person is there then don’t to it and would you be happy if the other person was doing it back to you. As with your instance you didn’t live together, neither do we so it makes these things a fair bit harder.I don’t know what I think is right, I don’t want to loose him over something like this, I did warn him afterwards that if he was really serious about us then he had to make the effort and actually prove it. It does upset me and it’s not something I am going to get over quickly, every now and again I think about it and it upsets me. I did also tell him this was his last chance, if he did anything like this again I would be walking away.It’s also nice just to know that people agree with me and that I was/am not being unreasonable.
A
female
reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle +, writes (18 February 2008):
Dipsydoodlenoodle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey xemzybabex and Tuatara thanks for your answer, it’s so much easier to know other people who have been in the same situation and worked through it. I agree but I’d rather him not flirt on MSN as if I did exactly the same back then I’m sure he wouldn’t like it. I see it as if you wouldn’t do it when the other person is there then don’t to it and would you be happy if the other person was doing it back to you. As with your instance you didn’t live together, neither do we so it makes these things a fair bit harder.I don’t know what I think is right, I don’t want to loose him over something like this, I did warn him afterwards that if he was really serious about us then he had to make the effort and actually prove it. It does upset me and it’s not something I am going to get over quickly, every now and again I think about it and it upsets me. I did also tell him this was his last chance, if he did anything like this again I would be walking away.It’s also nice just to know that people agree with me and that I was/am not being unreasonable.
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A
female
reader, xemzybabex +, writes (16 February 2008):
I had exactly the same problem! i read through my bfs chatlogs too and didn't like what i found at all! i was so upset and imagine you are too! how long have you been with him. Its so tough this one especially when he won't admit it although you no hes 100% lied about his mates being there, there is also something telling you he could be telling the truth its so complicated. All i no is it is totally wrong what he has done. i see you have talked to him about it...You may get over it.
Reading through the other answers you've been given i think it is very common for guys to flirt on msn. Ino myself i am very shy but on msn im completly opposite. I thought to myself id rather him flirt on msn then him actually go and do something.
From my experience it happened a year ago i thought i was over it but sometimes it does upset me. At first it caused my relationship lots of arguments. Do what you feel is right.
At the time we didn't live together and it was very hard like you say i wouldnt trust him, and would get very jealous but now we live together and its so much easier. So i hope it gets easier for you too.
I hope you work it out and good luck
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A
female
reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle +, writes (9 February 2008):
Dipsydoodlenoodle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, thanks for the responses,I did tell him it bothered me and if he was really serious about us then he had to actually prove he meant it. He has been trying to prove it to me...only time will tell I guess. I'm just a little concerned as we don't live together and I obviously can't keep tabs on him wherever he goes (and I don't want to). The girl involved now goes to uni in Wales (we live in the North of England) so it is a fair distance to travel so I can't see anything happening but she does live here when not at uni. Maybe he was just having a bit fun, but I'm not happy about it and now he knows lets just hope that he doesn't do it again, as I most certainly wouldn't have dreamed of saying those things - if we have a problem we are generally quite good at talking through things together rather than talking to other people about it, as I firmly believe in not talking about people behind their backs. There is no need to do it.Never mind!Anyway Thank you guys x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): His actions are totally inappropriate and for the mere reason along, that you are not happy with what he is saying to other birds. It has a similar ring to it for me, sorry.The discussion about being horny, is how my husband started his flirtations with a friend and altermately they had an affair. This type of conversation implies TOTALLY, that he is up for it. Not on, never, ever. You have mentioned that your partner is not a flirt but flirts with this girl. There is your answer honey. Possibly on a list of one to 10, his comments about being horny and not having anyone to help him is about number - 1 - on the scale. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE, between innocent flirting. If their is such a thing. To me flirting was trying to get the other party interested in you. That's what I thought.So if he is doing this type of 'flirting' I see it as a disaster waiting to happen.He should either knock it on the head and respect you and your feelings about what he is up to, or you need to consider if he is really worthy of your love. Unfortunately I have to say, you need to be careful.
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A
female
reader, speedcat  +, writes (8 February 2008):
Is this upsetting to you? Everyone is different some people are okay with flirting(or even more) via email, and some people consider it cheating. I guees I would be bothered by that behavior, but then again, most people do flirt and as long as he dont act upon it I guess id try to look past it. Hard situation, sorry. I work in a male dominant career and believe me 97% of those men cheat, EVEN THE ONES WHO CLAIM THERE HAPPY. Human nature is funny, so yeah I guess I'd look past that. good luck
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (8 February 2008):
 You know, my gf flirts online alot. I didnt like it at first but then after a while I realized that it is just a fun outlet for her. Ultimately she wouldn't do anything. I still dont like it and she has gotten away from it. Guys are a little different though. He most likely was just having some fun with his buddies with this girl. Also we everyone has a tendancy to be really open with strangers or people we dont really know more than the people we care for because we dont really care about those strangers. We can be as honest as we want and whatever their judgement is, it wont effect us personally. But if he told you some of those things he knows it would upset you and he doesnt want that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): People chat online in a very different way than they do in person.I am extremely shy in person, but online the world is my oyster.I really think that "cybering" is the new version of look don't touch.You can't turn off your attraction to the opposite sex, but that really won't help you out that much.I'd confront him and say "hey, if you have a problem with me going to the rock festival, let me take my friends along and we can do what ever we want".People are often turned on at the wrong times and some people (I'm not saying this is right but) it's a way they can releave themselves without "cheating" on you.If it does really worry you have a serious chat with him about it and ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned?
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