A
male
age
36-40,
*arlangas
writes:Ok i am with the woman of my dreams.. i would go to the moon and back for her she is just so sweet. But i think that jealousy has gotten the best of me. We have been together for two years, she used to be married and i use to be married, she has three kids with her ex and i have two. And we have one together, we are one big happy family :) but when it comes to my jealousy is her ex. One day i found text messages sent to her by him stating that he still misses her.. it sounds childish but i got pissed because she did not respond to him stating that those kind of texts are inappropriate.. i confronted her about it and she told me that it was no big deal.. its driving Me up the wall.. am i wrong to get mad... please help me
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 November 2012):
 I agree with Honeypie.
she has children with him so she can't block him... but IGNORING his inappropriate texts, emails and comments is the correct way to act. IF she replies, even if it's to say "don't do that" he knows he got to her.... ignoring it is the right way to go... I am sure if he asked "did you get my text saying I missed you?" she would say "I did and I felt that it was very inappropriate and did not deserve a response" end of that.
she can only control what SHE does. she has no control over the inappropriateness of others.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 November 2012):
 I think she didn't respond because she rather IGNORE his texts, then play his game.
And for the most part I agree with that action. If she responds to texts like that - she is playing along - no matter WHAT she texts back.
But instead of "confronting her" (which means you backed her into a corner) sit her down and talk to her. Ask her how she would feel if YOUR ex sent YOU those kind of texts. TELL her you felt jealous and you didn't like it. Talk to her and SET some ground rules that you BOTH will adhere to.
My husband talk to his ex-wife a little here and there and for the most part I don't have a problem with it, only when she starts to play the "woe is me -I'm still single, no one wants me" card - fishing for his attention do I get annoyed. It's not cute. If she was 3-4-5 year old it might be but someone in her mid 40's ought to get the F over it. (they have been divorced 20 years btw).
PS. I don't think you were "wrong" per se, to get mad, but you need to learn how to handle issues like this better. When facing an angry bull, women shut down or charge right back, neither is beneficial for problem solving or communication :)
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A
male
reader, jaward1  +, writes (22 November 2012):
The fact that she's with you and not him surely shows that she cares for you more.
She didn't reply to his texts so she is not leading him on. Perhaps by not responding it is her way of saying 'get lost'.
You need to trust her. It's happened to me where I have pushed someone away by being overly suspicious. Just be your usual fun self and enjoy the relationship, then she would have no reason to ever want her ex back.
Also maybe stop having kids til you're a bit older. That's kinda a lot of kids considering you've both divorced once already!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): Maybe she thought that by saying 'nothing' he would get the hint that she doesn't reciprocate the same feelings..
Being honest if I were in your shoes I would want my partner to let them know that this was a non starter and that texting like that was irritating as conversation though polite and friendly should not mention any lovey dovey things in them..
I can relate as I had a male colleague met him through work, and when I finished my job to go on maternity leave, he would text and ask how I was etc this was fine until he started upping the texts and putting in 'I miss you' etc got very embarrassing and my husband of course was very annoyed to the point he wanted to see him face to face.. I told him repeatedly that he either was a being just friendly to quit with the gushy texts I was married and non interested.. Or just stop texting.. At the end I had to change my phone number, but for your wife this is not an option having the kids..
I say she should have a word and tell him it's not on of that doesn't work. Then maybe have a middle person ie you take the messages and text and arrange times for kids .. It's hard as she will be trying to keep peace, but I can understand why your emotions have been upped and your feeling jealous..
Take care, talk it through..
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