A
male
age
41-50,
*ute guy
writes:My girlfriend is 25, I'm 37. In the beginning obviously everything was so great. We had alot in common, but yet differences which kept it interesting. Had a great time going out, staying in and our sex life was simply amazing. Now I feel its all changed. She lost her job 3 months ago, has no direction in her life and is collecting unemployment. She gets drunk every nite and even though she used to drink almost every nite before she was unemployed, it was more socially. Now she just gets smashed. I have tried several times to speak to her about it, but like everything I try and talk about to her, she gets defensive and angry. When she's drinking she says hurtful things and appologizes the next day. She even gets angry just because I enjoy going to the gym to workout 3-4 times a week. I've never cheated or done anything to make her jealous or insecure, but she's still always suspicious that there's something going on. I have a couple of kids that I see a few times a week and she says she feels abandoned when I'm with them at home and not with her. I know the wonderful person I fell in love with is still in her, but she has changed so much in the last few months that she's making it hard to love her. I still do love her, but I think I've had enough. Should I move on or keep hanging on?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Ask her to take this quiz.
http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm
Bottom line, she's an alcoholic, she just isn't sleeping under a bridge yet. Truthfully, most people don't survive long enough to sleep under the bridges, they die long before they get there. She needs help, get the AA meeting list in your area and go with her if you can get her to go.
She may have other problems, but she is definitely an alcoholic (either alcohol abuse dependent or alcohol use non-dependent) and needs to get the alcohol out of her life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): Dirtball is awesome here. My friend, while my situation is not exactly similar, I too experienced something of the same with a woman and I will tell u it ended badly cause I kept trying to help and convince myself the person i loved still existed within her newly formed demon. She was no doubt an alcoholic and I see signs of dependency here pa. the first step to any addiction is admission and she needs to do that then go thru professional counseling. Drinking will cause her to only feel more depressed as it is plain fact booze is a depressant therefore continuing further will only bring her down and risk her mental health. PM me if you want details and more advice as I will not disclose certain things here on this board. My best to you man. I can tell you have a kind heart which is much needed in this world, just a question of how much of that kind heart this woman deserves.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (12 November 2010):
 She needs help. If you don't help her, who will? The road she's on doesn't end well. I've seen it many times. Sadly she doesn't let you help her, so you may have to walk away. You could attempt an intervention if she has friends and family who are also worried about her. I don't envy the position you're in. Sometimes when those we love destroy themselves the only thing we can do is distance ourselves from them and hope for the best. I think you should tell her you're very worried about her, and want to help her, but only if she's willing to make some effort too. Abandoning her right now might be the thing that completes her downward spiral so be cautious, but that should also not be your sole reason for staying.
You may want to seek the support of Al Anon too because her alcoholism effects you too. They may have some suggestions you can use as well.
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