A
male
age
26-29,
*oyman9
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been together for 9 months. I'm pretty sure that's not a lot for some people. But for me this is my first long relationship. We have been best friends through it all. I really love her so much. So about a month back there was an accident. My girlfriend's friend (which is a male) forced her to give him a hand job. Of course she tried to pull away. She told about a month later afraid I would leave her. I forgave her. It was the past, I love her. Now just today she texted me saying it happened again but this time she wasn't forced. She just did it. Someone punched me in the stomach. I am really hurt. I talked to her about it respectfully. She really does seem to be sorry. I wanna forgive her. I really do. I think I already did. But the thing is, it just haunts my mind how my love, my girlfriend, my beautiful sunshine would even think of doing that. It just ruins my whole day. What should I do? Should I forgive her? If I do forgive her then how do I stop being so mad about this whole situation. I do keep in mind she was honest with me. She is always honest. She understands if I leave her but I don't wanna leave her. She's a keeper. Thanks I would really appreciate the help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2012): Well dude, we gave you the best advice we could. Whether you choose to listen to it or not is completely your choice. Just be warned that this girl is not done hurting you. She's going to keep doing it as long as you allow her to... and it will be difficult to feel sorry for you when you've been warned.
A
male
reader, boyman9 +, writes (20 January 2012):
boyman9 is verified as being by the original poster of the question*update*For the one's who are out there answering me, I love her way to much. I'm crying every night. She know's that she hurt me. I got more details on what happened. The first time it happened the guy just asked. My girlfriend accepts it. (She claims she wasn't thinking) So it happens. The business goes down. I really don't know if he actually unloaded on her hand or anywhere (nor do I care because then I'll just become more upset if I think about it)Now she said she was forced. Me as a fool believed her story trusting her. I was wrong... Now about a month later or so it happened again or worse. It happened on the beach. My girlfriend said she was just hanging out with him. (I know. Why would you even.. ARGGHHH) Then he just popped the question. This time, it wasn't a handjob but a blow job. This really hurt me. I cried for 2 nights straight, mad and confused. It all happened on the beach. She says it was a short one. I don't know if he came or not. The other night I called her up crying. Every man's gotta let his feelings go loose. I cried and cried talking to her. She comforted me. She told me that it's okay. And that she felt super bad. My girlfriend explained how it was just a mistake. And how it won't happen again. I trust her, She promised me. I really believe her. All this has happened already. This whole event happened like 3 weeks ago. It pisses me off how she would do this to me? I love her, and I would always tell her if something like that happened to me. I listened to all your guys advice. Leave her, she's not a keeper, cheater, liar. But I rather get hurt with her. That's how much I am madly in love with her. Today she hugged me and kissed me. Sunday I may go over to her house and visit her. Most of the time something sexual happens. But I don't think I want her blowing me anymore... Not for a while. Just want to keep you guy's updated on the situation if you have any interest at all. Sincerely Yours,Boyman9Also please forgive any grammar or any other errors. I'm not a language arts teacher.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): Have you ever been "forced" to finger a girl?
Forget this one. She's cheating on you, that's all there is to say.
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A
female
reader, peacelovecandy +, writes (20 January 2012):
 Not a keeper! Did you believe her when she said she was "forced" to do that if she did it willingly on a separate occasion? You seem like a good person, and you don't need to put up with her. You deserve someone that will be truthful to you. Maybe she was honest about it (the second time at least) but you need to let go of it. She's not a keeper at all - a keeper is someone who is PERFECT: faithful, kind, sweet, all that good stuff. I feel sorry for you having to go through such heartbreak, but I would cut it off with her no matter how hard it is. Some things just have to happen. You can find someone so so so much better! Good luck, I hope you make the right decision!
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A
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reader, Capri2  +, writes (19 January 2012):
Sorry. She isn't trustworthy at all. She decided to give him a handjob to the guy who forced her to do that in the past? Nope. I'm sorry but there is a lie there. You don't keep seeing a guy who forces you into sex, do you? Of course not.
Chances are she wasn't forced in the past. And maybe she did something worst than a handjob now. And you are getting just part of the information.
You are too young to being hurt this way. You have to get a girl who cares for you and doesn't cheat on you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): I'm sorry, but this girl is definitely not a keeper. Sure, she's honest, but she is not trustworthy. The only thing she'll keep doing is hurting you if you stay with her. It is your choice, let her go now or wait until she hurts you again and again. She knew you were hurt the first time, and yet she gave another guy a second hand job. That's ridiculous behavior. Time to dump her and move on.
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A
male
reader, boyman9 +, writes (19 January 2012):
boyman9 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@CindyCares Thanks for your reply. I understand what you're saying. You're not the only one thinking this may happened again. Love hurt's. It really does. I already told her that if it happen's again I am leaving her. I don't have an interest in being in a relationship with a person that I cannot trust. She did lay out the card's saying that "You should just leave me" and such. But I think she know's what she has done.@Gabrielle Stoker Thank's for you're reply as well! I talked to her about it. I asked simply asked her "why would you do that to me?, when I have been an honest, trustful guy." She just tears and says "I don't know" I will start asking more questions and seeing if there is a bigger problem I'm not seeing. I would also like to say that this male has been always been asking for some sexual activity my girlfriend kept saying no. I know I am making her sound like a bad Girlfriend, but she is really trustworthy and just simply the best ever. I do forgive her now. (half and half) but like CindyCares pointed out. It is probably bound to happen again, Or is it?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 January 2012):
 Why do you have to stop being mad ? Be mad, and stay mad. And while in general I always say that getting angry has no useful purpose , this time I think it does- it would prevent you from letting yourself be treated as a doormat.
The rule is very simple- she is your gf, she is supposed to stay away from other men's penises. If she has a problem doing that, then she is not cut for a traditional relationship and should not be in one.
I also doubt that she was literally forced the first time, how do you force somebody to give you a handjob unless you threaten them of breaking their wrist or other bodily harm ? And if this was the case , why she did not press charges ? Anyway it's a moot point because she was consentient the second time and she does not even know why. It's like she can't help herself, and this makes her a very unsafe bet of a gf - you can't ever feel sure that she can be alone with another man.
That would make her far from a keeper in the eyes of many men. If you want to keep her, I am afraid you will have to be fine with the fact that she has zero impulse control, or an irresistible fascination with the male organ, and the incident is bound to reoccur. See if you can live with that.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (19 January 2012):
 Feeling as you do is absolutely normal. I'm surprised you haven't made this more of an issue with her (or maybe you have we don't know). Even if you do forgive her I can't think of how you could be less angry with her short of accepting that "my girlfriend gives handjobs to other men" and accepting that.
Any inputs on why she did this? Both times, I mean, it's difficult to force a handjob on someone, without resorting to coercion. Are the two of you engaging in any sexual activity?
I can sort of - and I probably won't make any friends here by saying this - understand it in the sense that I too, if confronted with a penis, have never really been able to NOT give at least a handjob, and often more, regadless of my relationship status at the time, but I am emphatically NOT the template of an ideal girlfriend.
I suspect there may be deeper issues here at her end. Perhaps this has been a way of telling you she has certain problems in the relationship. Please discuss this with her. This may not be about the handjob at all.
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