A
female
age
36-40,
*nsolvedmysteries
writes:Hi I have a friend who was sexually assaulted about 1 month ago and she says that she thinks she is ready to go out and face the world again only the problem is, she is in a relationship and her fiancee doesnt want her to go out anymore. She said that after what has happened she doesnt want to remain at home to reminisce about what happened that night. Her fiancee though is very strict with her now more than ever and doesnt want her to go out period. We are gud mates and i miss going out with her dont think i will get to see her again her fiancee is keeping her in hiding all the time. I said to her that she has to be the one to decide and not him although she has to take in concideration how he feels about the entire situation. She is 23 and i am 21, i dont kno wat to say to her about the situation she is in so is there any thing anyone can advise me with i need to try to console her a bit but at the same time I dont think her fiancee should keep her away from her friends and prevent her from going out if she feels that she is ready, she is still young and she has her entire life ahead of her. Wat shud i say to her please help me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2007): Sounds like her husband is the textbook deffinition of "abusive partner"- NO ONE can tell someone not to do something. He is controlling her. Please convincer her NOT to marry this guy- the abuse and control will esclate- its classic- first its saying "please dont go out I care for you" then it becomes violent, and then once she has kids he holds hte kids against her and it gets bigger and bigger until someone is arrested or killed. NOT A JOKE. Please offer for your friend to go to counceling. She may be having self esteem issues if she is not standing up to him and doing what is right for herself. If she is abiding by someone elses rules- the abuse will get worse and she will get hurt. There are underlyiing issues here- please be aware of that. Dont try to convince her against her husband- just let her know that that is abusive behavior and suggest counceling- which will help her TREMENDOUSLY.Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (15 May 2007):
 I'm with you, I don't think her fiance should have this degre of power over her either but the awful thing is that neither your or my opinion counts here. She needs to see that he's crowding her for herself and find a way to stick up for herself accordingly. I think the very bes thing you can do for your friend is listen to her when she needs you to and promise to be there for her when she's ready to come out again. Tread carefully.... it's just a gut instinct but I got the feeling when reading your post that perhaps she's using her fiance as an excuse not to go out because she's not ready. Don't badmouth the fiance, just be there for her like a true friend and eventually everything will resolve itself.
CD
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