A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hiya, i've been going out with my girlfriend for over a year now. We've had some up's and down's along with some trust issues but everything's been going well lately...Except ; She's always been a bit of a loner, never had a great many friends or a lot of self confidence. I however am a pretty social person, i have a lot of different groups of friends and a lot of really close friends. She gets very paranoid whenever i go out with them, constantly texting me, asking who i'm with etc etc. I could tell going out upset her a lot (worth noting i've never done anything to make her paranoid, i've never cheated on her, i avoid even doing things that would make her suspicious of it, as well as constantly reassuring her she's the only girl i want). So i cut back on going out to spend more time with her, cutting down the amount i see friends a great deal.Now here's the problem, she's started a new college and made a couple new friends, of which she's started to spend time with. It drives me crazy with paranoia, even though i've been in her position i see how she gets so upset, i dont show her this of course, i dont react the same way she does but i feel like im going insane with paranoia everytime she goes out. I have an imense urge to try and stop her friendship, to ensure she's not lying to me, i would never actually do this but it really eats away at me, i've never been insecure before and i definatly trust her, i know logically i have no reason to feel this way, i need some advice how to cope with this, its seriously eating me away inside ;
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 September 2009):
You've got to accept that she has to have her own time. If you don't and you become controlling, you'll ultimately ruin the relationship. Enjoy going out with your own friends. And spend time doing things together as well. She'll appreciate that you're interested. You have to let her be who she is. Also, when she's out, that's your chance to plan or do something nice for her. Let her know you adore her, trust her and your relatioinshipn will be far better for it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): it seems to be that you felt safe with her being at home...but now maybe you feel loss of control. You became comfortable with her dependancy on you. You need to work on the control issue, it is healthy to have friendships outside of the relationship. Guys need 'guy time' and girls need 'girl time. Obviously, trust is such a basic part of any relationship. As long as there are no questionable activities involved, encourage this growth in her. Good luck
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