A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiTo make a long story short. I met a girl at an organization we both belong to. After a while we started dating, after another while we went into a relationship. Sort of. Everything is there. We kiss, we hug, we spend lots of time together. The catch. No-one is supposed to know. She told me that she was engaged last year, and broke up one month before the wedding. She wants to find her feet and meet people. And she is scared of criticism if her new boyfriend becomes "public". I forced myself to understand, because I really like this girl. But how long can things go on like this? Is this the real reason? All signs points to she's “using” me until the right person comes along. I refuse to believe this. Should I?Anonymous
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): Do you mean secret to her friends and family? or to every soul on earth?
Obviously if you 'date' and then people see you out together in public and that's not tooooo secret.
But yet I feel your pain. In public my girlfriend puts on this appearance that may seem like we are only friends, but when alone she is all over me. I think its weird but its how she is and I love her. If it stresses you out that bad (make or break) then get the hell out while your heart is intact. I think its a legit ultimatum and her excuse isnt that great.
Maybe she is dating around. Maybe she doesnt want her ex to find out. Maybe she is scared as shit to get in another relationship...or maybe she is commitment phobic.
Good luck my friend..
A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (8 October 2007):
If she ended her engagement a year ago, i can't imagine that anyone would give her a hard time for dating again. What criticism could she possibly be scared of? Her excuse makes no sense. Ask her to tell you what's really going on here.
You deserve to be with someone who is both honest with you... and proud to be with you; not someone who is hiding you in the shadows. I would walk away from this girl and tell her you would be open to coming back when she's ready to get real.
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A
male
reader, AndyS +, writes (7 October 2007):
Looks to me like she is using as the bridge to her next venture. Try not to get too emotionally involved here. If she wants a casual fling and you can deal with it then go ahead.If not then talk to her and make her she your point of view and if that doesn't work. Say g'bye to her.
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