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She prefers anal sex, completely rejecting vaginal intercourse. It makes me feel dirty but I accept this because I love her. What should I do?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 March 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 5 March 2008)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend only wants anal sex and I really don't feel comfortable with this. I am a strict Christian I do not believe that this kind of sex is either appropriate or godly. I only go along with it because I love her but it makes me feel very dirty what should I do?

I am supposed to be marrying this woman in August of this year. When I met her six years ago she never asked me to do this and our sex was far more enjoyable but she completely rejects vaginal intercourse now and I find this rather perplexing.

I have tried talking to her obviously but she says that she prefers it and I can't understand why.

View related questions: anal sex, christian, vagina

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A male reader, Bronze United States +, writes (5 March 2008):

I'm sorry, but you say that you're a strict Christian and find anal sex to be inappropriate and ungodly, yet you're having sex out of wedlock? I hope you see where I'm going with this.

If anal sex isn't your thing, then that's fine. Continue to express your displeasure with it with your fiancee and she just might come around and explain things further in depth as to why she prefers it. Don't give up, and don't use your beliefs as a reason why, because what you're doing as an unmarried couple would be considered very ungodly to the church.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (5 March 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntWhat kind of reason does she give you for not wanting vaginal intercourse? This would be a big red flag to me, and keep in mind that this likely won't change without some work addressing this issue. Will you be happy with her in the future if this doesn't change?

You need to find out what she's thinking and then you can decide what to do. Have a calm talk with her outside of the bedroom about this, not in public, and be prepared to listen very closely.

Good luck!

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A male reader, NextHowardStern United States +, writes (5 March 2008):

If only one of you is satifified and there's no compromise. There's no relationship. Lose her.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008):

Tell her how you feel about it. Explain to her that you love her very much and don't want to hurt her but you don't understand. You have to be happy too, and although it is noble for you to only do what she likes, you need to fufill your needs as well. Tell her that you really like vaginal sex and would like to do that too. If she truly loves you, she will want to make you happy too

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008):

i can't understand why either. i am a girl and i'd prefer vaginal sex. i don't think that anal sex is a turn on. and plus it hurts. ask yourself, why am i with this girl? is it because of the sex or the way she is? what is it? then you'll find the answer on what to do about the situation.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008):

This is very weird, maybe she fears pregnancy?

I would not marry this woman, if you don't have the sex life that you both want it will never last...save yourself the heartbreak and expense of divorce and break up with her now...she has some serious hangups and issues...

Sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear, but it sounds like you have already talked to her and expressed you feelings about having anal sex.....find a woman who does not like it, there are plenty of us who don't.

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