A
male
age
41-50,
*ohnson69
writes:Hello, my girlfriend of 5 months out of the blue said she needed space. I was blindsided. I was a little upset at first but know confused. Everything was perfect, we traveled alot, confidided in each other. She and her frieds asked when were getting married. Her family and frieds love me and so do mine. I asked her what was bothering her and she kept saying i dont know i dont know, i;m kinda depressed. I asked why and she couldn;t answer, The next morning I sent her an email stating i was sorry for the way we edned our conversation, iwas upset. I told her i was dissappointed in her approach that if she was having problems she could talk to me over a cup of coffee. I went to say she inspires me and i hope she overcomes stress at work. Her reply was so wishy washy. She said she cares and she didnt now I was upset she didnt call fiday night (which by the way she said they wouldnt be drinking, only to find out in the morning they finished a keg. she told me she cares and hops we can work out but for now she needs some space, she not sure that she can treat me as well I treat her, she said her life is hectic and needs alittle time for herself and when she figures things out because she doesnt know what she is feeling, she would call me to get a cuo of coffee if I what? talk to you soon. I responded by saying, I will respect your space and the time you need to figure things out. I truly believe we have a connection and whatever your conclusion please don;t throw our friendship away. I changed my schedule where e volunteer so she wont see me and from this point forward i will not contact you. If there is anything I can do to help, please call me. I will miss the time we spend togethor and look forward to the day we meet again. Good luck with all your endeavors. love always, me. I havent heard from heard from her in ten days and the worst part is she did this over the phone and in an email, not very personable! disrespectful. Shes 24 and Im 31 and until 10 days ago we were on top of the world, everyone says were perfect together. W eboth have stressfull jobs, we never really argued. I don't know what to make of this, did dhe cheat on me and feels guilty? how long do I give her? 2 weeks before I call? Shes not contacted me once. A few people said she might be nervous because her friends are getting married and shes feeling pressure. We said were not getting married for 5 years. This has been the best relationship I;ve been where I know I;ve done nothing wrong. In two weeks I was going to a wedding to sit at a table with her parents. I;m confused and need advise....
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at work, depressed, needs some space, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 November 2007):
 I would say cheating on you is a possibility, but not a probability. There's not enough in those conversations to state a greater than 50% chance. It could be that, It could also be fear. How was her past? How were relationships there? How did they end? How was her upbringing? There is so much that can play into fears to cause people to back off. The comment of treating you as well as you treat her, that could be guilt based, or it could be based on her insecurity, low self esteem, feeling as if she's not worth a good relationship. That too there can be so many different angles that can play into this form of behaviors.
I would say 2 weeks is ample time to at least drop a note and let her know you haven't forgotten her and hoping everything is going well with what she's doing. I know her not being able to tell you what's wrong is part of the reason to assume the possibility of cheating. If you've ever had "real" depression, many times you feel low and have absolutely no reason why you feel that way.
You're doing it right. Just being there for her and allowing her the space she requested is probably the best thing you can do for her at this point. Offering your help, and not harassment, that shows great respect for her feelings.
I wish you the best, and hope everything works out for the both of you. Take care.
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