A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a girl for 4 years. the first year was great but then i started noticing she would avoid and hide issues of her past relationships. Anyway to make a long story short, (after 3 years of me drilling her with questions and gettin nowhere) she calls me up and tells me she has chlamydia. I know this was not from me because I always had protected sex with one partner and was tested before I started dating her and I have never cheated. She tells me she has never cheated either so it is suspected that it was from her previous 6 year relationship with another boyfriend that cheated on her. Anyway, this has been a real strain on our relationship. That same day this came out i drilled her again and more info came out. Apparently she has lied to me several times. Originally she had told me she lost her her virginity to a boy at 15 and then the long term boyfriend was after that and then fooled around with two guys after (but nothing serious - no oral or intercourse). Next thing I find out after the news of the STD is she had an affair with a married guy, she had anal sex as well, and she had oral a few times with one of the guys she fooled around with. All this was a shock to me as it is not the same person i have come to known that would do those things, not only the past but lying to me and worst off giving me an STD. I have been very supportive with her and am trying to be patient here, but it's eating me up. One last thing. She managed to create a good friendship over the last 5 years with a guy friend of the married guy she had the affair with. I did not learn that this friend existed until about a month ago when i was pressing her for answers. It's like she's liveing a double life.Anyway, I don't know where i'm going with this, because my thoughts are a little scattered, so I was just wondering where i should go from here? Any thoughts? THanks.
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (3 February 2007):
Well, you can either forgive her for the lies (which could have been alot worse). Or accept that after 4 years its just run its course and its time to let go. Although i dont quite understand if your saying she cheated on you with the married man or she was single but didnt tell you about it. If she cheated on you then you seriously have to ditch her. Personally i couldnt forgive anyone who gave me an std, at least she told you though. Chlamydia could have made you infertile if it was left untreated. Although, she should have had the decent human knowlege to get a check for goodness sake. She could have caught something alot worse, and would have exsposed it to you. I can see reasons why you might want to stay with her and get over it seeing as things could have been worse. But i think shes been a complete fool and perhaps you should finish it now with the lucky escape.
A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (3 February 2007):
 Four Years in a Relationship is quite a long time to be loving that person, sharing with that person, hoping & planning a future together, etc, so I understand your dilema at this point. It`s a big decision to make, to tough it out, try to work it through, or throw in the towel. I think the longer you`ve been together with someone, the harder this decision is. My best advise to you would be; if you could imagine for a moment that this difficult situation is happening to your best friend, or brother, and not you., what would your advise to them be? Sometimes if we put ourselves out of the picture, and insert someone else instead, things become so much clearer. Then, when you have this picture in your mind, with you not in the equasion, you will make a more profound judgement, without strong emotions taking over. The "Outsider looking In" advise that you will give, will be the advise that you should listen to. Also, in this way, the decision will have come from you, and you won`t have any regrets or doubts from taking advise from others. Personally, if I were you, I would move on, and find a woman who could be faithful and loyal (and happy to do so), but I would like you to put yourself mentally apart from your dilema and make YOUR choice. Let me know how you get on please, Kind Regards, Heather.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (2 February 2007):
 One of the main cornerstones in a relationship is trust, if you don't have trust then you have nothing. How could you ever trust this woman again? You would always be doubting her, even if you worked through this and there would always be quarrels and arguments and questions from you in the future. She has kept sooooo much back from you it's unbelievable and she could have gotten Chlamydia from anyone, not just the ex.
You say she never did anything serious with the other 2 guys after the main boyfriend or so she tells you. Can you be sure of this? How do you know she's not just saying this to you? She's had an affair with a married man and had a "good" friendship with his mate! Just how "good" WAS this friendship? Hmmmmm I'm sorry but it all seems a bit sketchy to me, I could never trust her again. Like you said, she's not the person you thought she was. Is this the kind of woman you want to live with for the rest of your life? Do you trust her never to go off with anyone else and be loyal to you and you only?
Have a very serious think about this. You ask "where should I go from here?" My advice to you my friend is to move on, the trust has been broken here and I don't think it will ever come back. There are lots of women out there that are trustworthy and loyal and can love you the way you deserve to be loved. This woman's definitely NOT for you!
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007): Your trust in her is broken. She lied to you about so many things it would be hard to gain that trust back. Do you really want to be with someone you cannot trust? You'll always wonder what is really going on with her- sorry to say but cut your losses. You deserve better.
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