A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello DearCupid readers,I am 30. two and a half months ago I got in contact with a woman, who is 24 and she has a 2 year old daughter. We first talked online and then started seeing each other offline, since we're both in the same city.In our first meeting she told me that she just got out of a bad relationship. She was dumped by a guy, who isn't the father of her daughter.Whenever I meet her, we end up hugging and kissing, but we have not had sex, or even slept next to each other. I don't mind waiting for these things cause I feel like she is someone special. The problem though is that online she always mentions sex, sleeping together, living together and even talks about wanting to get pregnant again, but never backs these things up with actions offline.A few days ago she made a promise to me that I would finally sleep over at her place yesterday. She did not keep her promise.She tells me that she still loves her ex but wants me at the same time. She told me that she has chosen me, and sometimes when I ask her if she maybe wants him back she always tells me that it isn't the case.I don't know what to do. The wait is costing me a lot of energy. If she was upfront about all these things I could wait much longer, but it seems she always gives me false hope about the relationship getting to the next level. She still chats with her ex, who is in another country. She said he is thinking about visiting her (perhaps in an attempt to win her back) I don't want to be the guy to forbid communication.. I'm not even against him visiting her. I don't have a specific question but I'm hoping for general advice on how to maybe proceed with her. Actually, how should I deal with her ex wanting to visit her? Should I let it happen and hope to come out victorious? OR should I draw a line and tell her such a visit is unacceptable?I want to wait longer, and see what happens, but I'm afraid that it will just hurt more, having to wait.Thank you so much, even if you just read it, I will appreciate advice very much since I'm new to this kind of situation.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 March 2017):
 She is using you. She still loves her ex. She is enjoying the attention she gets from you, but she is not wanting to take things to the next level because she knows then it will be completely over between her and her ex. She is chatting to you about sex, living together and having children, as she does long for these things, but she sees her ex in the picture not you. Honestly don't waste any more off your time.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (15 March 2017):
 It really worries me that either of you have been talking about sex, living together and pregnancy after only two months! The last two shouldn't come up until 6+ months and the last shouldn't be mentioned (let alone seriously) until 9+ months.
She has a daughter, so she should be more guarded than she is being. Either way, I really think you need to give up on this one.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (15 March 2017):
 My advice is not to 'proceed' at all. That's in quotation marks because there hasn't been any real progress to date.
There are a few glaring red flags here, the first being that this woman practically introduces herself as 'just coming out of a bad relationship'. I hear about this so often from women it's become cliché. MOST relationships end because of something bad otherwise they wouldn't have ended, would they? What's so remarkable about her pain that she needs to announce it to everyone she meets?
Second, you've only 'met' this woman 2.5 months ago. That is WAAAAAYY too soon to be expecting sleepovers and discussing living together and getting pregnant. You shouldn't even be visiting her at home, let alone sleeping over. She has a young child who doesn't need all this trashiness and instability.
Third, she is still in touch with her ex, who is not the father of her child. And even worse, she's actually considering having him visit her. They don't have a child together, they don't own property together, their finances aren't merged. Why is she even still speaking to him?
She's unstable and frankly, not ideal mother material. You're both expecting/promising way too much way too soon.
Cut this one loose. She's not a keeper.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2017): Boa Tarde,Thanks for sharing your story...My opinion:She didn't allow herself enough time to process, learn and grow from her breakup before entering into the next relationship. She is meant to still be healing instead she is now complicating matters with a love triangle. She got dumped, not the other way round and she has confided in you that she still loves her ex. This is natural under the circumstances but very bad for you. Unfortunately she can't have you and him at the same time. She may deny it, she may state she chose you but her actions don't reflect that. You have two choices:1. End it now before you get hurt more deeply or if you can't 2. Put distance / time between you until she hasn't had contact with her ex at least 3 months no contact and she is able to put him in her past. Until that happens you're in limbo and she controls your happiness. Waiting to see if he does visit her; if they do chat daily or regularly; if they do reconnect - why should you have to handle that's?This is a new romance, it should be happy and exciting and about you two, not the EX who is still very much present. You know what you have to do...Boa Sorte!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 March 2017):
 End it. She isn't serious about you.
I agree with WiseOwlE here. You have only known her 2 1/2 months and you REALLY want sex which seems to be WHY you haven't said, OK bye! already.
After 2 1/2 months of talking and seeing each other doesn't GIVE YOU the right to tell her whom she can see and whom she can't. If course you can tell her you don't like this ex-bf hanging around but she OBVIOUSLY WANTS him around, so do you really think she would cut him off for you?
And IF he is the father of this child of hers, she CAN'T really cut him out of her life either, can she?
MOVE on, find someone with LESS baggage and NO ex-bf hanging around in the wing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2017): She's using you as a stand-in and possible replacement if her attempts to get her ex back fall through.
To be honest, you seem more eager about when you'll get the opportunity to have sex. She is aware of that, and may be picking your brain on the subject. Testing you, and comparing you to her ex. She might even be using you to make him jealous. Which might place you in danger. Some guys are crazy jealous. I mean violently jealous.
My advice is to leave the love-triangle. There is no room for you; and you don't know what kind of guy he is.
Often lonely or frustrated women go online for quickie rebound romances, while dealing with relationship issues. She just might be stringing you along. Sex is the carrot she is dangling over your head to keep you interested.
Get out now. It isn't really going to go anywhere; and if your primary interest is sex, she can get that from her ex.
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