A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This girl I'm kinda seeing doesn't really feel comfortable telling guys to back off. And she always tend to have guys going after her. I'm not sure if she likes the attention. I mean she tells me the guys are losers and it's annoying, but she doesn't want to actively do anything about. Last night she said a guy followed her home, and probably was looking for a more than friendly hang out, and she couldn't get him to leave.. for 3 hours. But she was telling me all just as a recount of her night as if it was no big deal. Like I know nothing happened between them, because I know her, but I'm just wondering how to tell her that I'm not comfortable with her hanging out with guys, drunk, at 3am without sounding like a jealous asshole.
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (9 October 2011):
You should probably tell her straight up that you aren't comfortable just in the same way you wrote here, but in the end she is free to do whatever she wants even though she claims she hates it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): A lot of women aren't comfortable telling guys to back off. I think most of us just ignore guys if we don't want their attention. It's easier to ignore strangers than to confront them. However, I think most of us draw the line at being followed or touched.
I think the reason women tell these sorts of stories and sometimes don't protest attention they get from guys is usually two fold:
1) They enjoy feeling desirable even if they have no desire for the man harassing them. They like the attention.
2) If they are telling you about it, they want to see if you care enough to be jealous or angry. Some people equate jealousy with affection.
If she lets a guy follow her home at 3AM then I think she's indulging these tendencies to the point of stupidity because she's putting herself in dangerous situations.
The only way to tell her without sounding jealous is to tell her what's on your mind and what you are thinking about in a straightforward way. Tell her you are starting to wonder if she likes these random guy's attention. Tell her you wonder why she puts herself in dangerous situations and then tells you about. Above all tell her, it upsets you because it's not safe. You might ask her if she feels that she doesn't get enough attention from you and if that's the reason she behaves this way. If it really bothers you, talk to her.
To me it sounds like she has self esteem issues beyond the drinking that are impairing her judgement.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (9 October 2011):
 My answer is not going to help because I am an extremist when it comes to drinking. Whenever I see or hear the word alcohol, drunk, I automatically say "bye bye" in my head. It's not about jealousy. I look down on people who get drunk at 3 am.
The answers you are going to get here would be as the following: set boundaries about what you would accept, negotiate if you can, if not, then you are not compatible.
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