A
male
age
41-50,
*r.Worry
writes:Can someone help me?How do you deal with having a flirty girlfriend?When guys hit on her she smiles instead of just telling them she's taken.I'm not saying be mean,I'm just saying politely say I'm sorry I'm taken.I'm really starting to think she's ashamed of me.3 people tried to set her up with guys just this week and she never tells any of them she already has a boyfriend.Is she setting up backup plans or what?When I'm in a realationship,I just tell women I'm taken or I have a girlfriend.I'm 40 and have never cheated on anyone I was with even tho I've been cheated on.I don't see how a few minutes of pleasure is worth hurting someone you truly love like that.I treat people as I want to be treated.I find myself not trusting her as I should.I'm not a great catch,I'm disabled,can't work,have no money and suffer from social anxiety.She can have her choice of so many guys with tons and tons more to offer.I'm beginning to think she wants to move on,but doesn't want to hurt me as I'm so fragile a man.I no longer drink and she may just not want to feel guilty if something happens.Sometimes I wonder if being a nice man and treating people like I want to be treated is the right thing to do.Please don't tell me to go out and do what she does because I can't,noone wants me.Even if I could it wouldn't matter.I could have a house full of swimsuit models and I swear she wouldn't be jealous.A little jealousy makes you feel wanted,not ALOT tho,just a tad.Thanks for reading this as I need advice.I went 15 years without a single date until we met.Is that making me the way I am?Am i just paranoid?
View related questions:
disabled, flirt, has a boyfriend, jealous, money, move on Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Annalisa  +, writes (13 March 2008):
 Unfortunately, I don't know you well enough to give you accurate advice for your particular situation... that's the problem with agony aunts!
But I think that worry and insecurity might have been getting in your way for too long. Nobody's perfect.
I assume you do get out and that you have friends! Perhaps you just need more confidence in yourself when meeting new people.
Focus on why you would make a good partner! A lot of people who feel they might not be a great catch make up for their flaws by being more attentive lovers, being interesting people. I tell you, when I was studying Music at college, I had the biggest crush on my Jazz teacher!!
He was born with no hands and half-developed feet, but with metal hooks attatched to his arms he could play the trombone. He had beautyful and sad eyes, but being my teacher I could not take it anywhere!
My point is that if you make the most of what God gave you, you will find someone ready to spend the rest of their life with you!
A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (12 March 2008):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the question She may be lonely,that's what worries me that she'll find someone better.I should have made it clearer,sorry bout not,i'm not in a wheelchair.I just have no ankle bones,they are fused.My legs and knees are messed up and my right arm is paralized.I still drive and walk without any help from a cane or walker.I only have problems trying to walk up or down a hill,that's when you really miss having ankles.lol
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A
female
reader, Annalisa +, writes (12 March 2008):
Ah, well the distance explains it a little.
Rather than being worried she fears dating a man in a wheel-chair, have you considered she might feel lonely?
Long distance relationships are hard, because you can't feel each other's presence. She might be more worried about admitting to her friends that she's dating someone she's never with, as they'll be likely to tell her she can date someone here and now!
See how things go, that's really all I can say.
I always encourage people to get out and enjoy life, make friends through sports, interests, hobbies... and include God in their lives. Pray for love and strength!
Just going to church and going out will get you involved in people's lives. Many people have trouble finding their soulmate. Able people might get more opportunity to sleep around, but it takes everyone a long time to find true love and happyness!
God bless you and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (12 March 2008):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo went haven't socialized yet.We are 900 miles away and are planning to meet next month.If things work out,I can move there or she can move here.Probably her because she used to live here.But that's way far ahead as I don't even know if we'll be together if these problems continue.She says her family knows however I don't fully believe that.
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A
female
reader, Annalisa +, writes (12 March 2008):
She might not be the jelous type and sees nothing wrong in her behaviour.
The best way to handle problems like this is to talk to your partner and be open and honest about your feelings.
Try not to be accusing and avoid turning the discussion into an argument. Just tell her how her behaviour makes you feel!
If she loves you, she'll try to reassure you and change her actions.
If not, why is she with you? If she was ashamed of you, she would never have started dated you.
Do you socialize together? Do her friends and family know about you?
Talk to her and try to change the situation. If she won't, then frankly, she's better lost than found!
But I'm sure you can work things out.
God bless you and good luck!
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