A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend cheated on me a while ago and i forgave her and took her back, i love her, but our relationship is hard recently i don't know what to do. I lost a lot of trust in her when she did that, but i had enough to believe her and take her back, all i want is to build our trust and our love and to build a life together.the problem is she doesn't seam to want the same thing, one minute she tells me she loves me that she wants to be with me and the next minute shes accusing me of cheating on her and saying that shes talking to old boyfriends or talking to guys at her college to try and hurt me among other things, she doesn't trust me even though ive done nothing wrong.The last thing she did she stopped me talking to pick up a screw from the floor because she thought it was an earing of a girl she thinks i had in the room, then put it down when she realized it wasn't.She constantly accuses me of cheating on her, of lieing to her, she says im cheating on her with a girl at college. shes obsessed with a girl at my college convincing herself that im doing stuff with her saying shes going to leave me if she doesn't like the look of her all because that girl spoke to me a couple of time but she speaks to everyone, everyone in college speaks to everyone. And if its not that she will find another girl to accuse me of cheating on her with or she will make up an imaginary girl if she cant think of anyone.she wont stop doing it its been going on for months, she even tries to leave me wanting me to stop her and i do, ive tried talking to her, a couple of times shes even said she wanted to stop it but the next day she acts like that conversation never happened and just goes back to what she was doing.I try to keep away from people, im scared of going out because i know we will argue when i come back, i feel like i wish i could just stay in so ive no contact with anyone but even then i think she will come up with something.I think she does it because she wants to leave me before i hurt her, shes said that's why before, i wont, but shes convinced i will and so shes convinced im cheating on her, or doing something to hurt her. she wont listen to anyone about anything, shes to suborn and i know this just needs to be sorted. before she cheated everything was great but now shes convinced herself so much that somethings going on i just don't know how to fix it nothing works, she doesn't have any care for what i have to say anymore.What can I do to try and fix this?
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female
reader, aquamarine +, writes (18 February 2010):
 You poor thing! having to deal with her not trusting you and now you have to deal with not having trust in her! You need to be tough with her and tell her how you feel, you have to remind her that she was the one that cheated and you would never do it to her. If she wont listen to you then i dont think there is much more you can do. Have a think how she reacted when she found out you knew about her cheating, sometimes it can help understand how a person really feels for you. Shes blaiming you for something she has done! Dont put up with that, you deserve better.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): This is how my ex used to behave before i made discoveries of her online infidelity. Time and time again. Same pattern. Well she cheated,u didnt. I wouldnt bet my house she still is cheating but i would bet £500. If u have the strength,next time she accuses u just tell her that not everyone is the same as her,but u got no one to lie and cheat on now coz i'm goin. She is goin to make u very miserable if u dont.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (18 February 2010):
 It is up to HER to rebuild that thrust. why is it your duty? she cheated. she should be transparent if you were crazy enough to take her back.
what this is called is blameshifting. and she will continue to do this to justify her behavior,Its up to her to fix it, not you. See what will happen is that she will cheat again, and when you catch her, she will say, well I thought you were so I went ahead and did it.
Just the usual bullshit every scumbag cheater uses to blame other for their own actions. They use it all the time
Since cheaters never think about anyone but themselves this is a classic case of just that.
So when it happens again(because it will) and when she blames you...you are to respond with this:
"You met someone. Either you pursued him, or you allowed him to pursue you. You sought each other out, made little comments, flirted, etc. You were not strangers. You chose to make each and every step that led to the first innapropriate comment, the first kiss, the first sexual encounter, etc. Then continued doing it."
Your relationship is way past over...Kick her ass to the curb
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