A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Afraid of relationships but not afraid of commitment. My current lover has a chronic fear of relationships, he believes that every relationship is doomed from the start so why even bother. We've been seeing each other for a year and have been exclusive but how do I get him to take that final step? In that year he has become my closest friend, there's nothing we don't tell each other so how do I get this out in the open with sending him for the hills? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (18 February 2010):
 You can't make him do what he doesn't want to do. So you've been sleeping with him, spending time with him and you're exclusive with him...and this is not a relationship? What is it then?
CaringGuy is right...you're just setting yourself up to get hurt. You want something he can't give you and I don't think there is a way for him to give you what you want...a year is long enough time to decide if you want to committ to someone.
And don't be afraid of speaking up, or sending him to the hills. By avoiding the issue and walking on eggshells around him, you're just prolonging the inevitable.
So many women stay in situations in which they're not getting what they want, hoping the man will change. Men don't change...he is the way he is. The only way you will get what you want is by finding another man.
You need to sit down with yourself and figure out what you want and what you need. You need to suck it up and tell him...it might even end things between you. But is it better to end things now or be sitting there 10 years later and feel disappointed that you stayed in a dead-end situation and missed out on someone who could have given you what you want? I know it's hard but ask yourself what will make you really happy down the track.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 February 2010):
If he doesn't believe in relationships, you're in for real hurt by continuing with this. My feelings are he's just after sex without the commitment. Seems to me like you're just wasting a lot of time.
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