A
male
age
41-50,
*B3000
writes:Dear Cupid,I am a 37 year old male with an issue that I really really need help with. I have been looking on your site and it seems as though this question has been asked before, and to my amazement; It seems as though I am not alone. Still, I need to tell someone my story and ask the question again. When I was 18 Years old I met this girl who, at the time was the most amazing girl I'd ever seen. I fell in love at first site. I was a virgin and she wasn't, she was with her boyfriend at the time for a while. She was about 8 months younger than, me; Not that it matters. Anyway, I was head over heals in love with this girl, so much so that to be in the same room as her made me anxious, maybe the way most boys do when they meet someone they are crazy about. Anyway, I got to know her, we worked together at the same job. That's where we met. We became very good friends that summer, and at the end of the summer I made my move. It was maybe not the right thing to do, but I kissed her. It was scary. I had never kissed a girl before. Well we ended up having sex, I didn't tell her I had never done it before. I did eventually tell her, she was pissed at me. She said she never would have slept with me had she known. Still we ended up dating for a while, she was away at school in New Hampshire, I was in Boston, but the whole time I felt as though I had to work for her to love me. It was a constant struggle. very upsetting, very hard to deal with. I wrote her letters every day for two years. Still, it didn't matter, she left me for someone else. I was heart broken. Heart broken several times by her. But the final time was just a blow to my inner being that crushed me. So deeply that I couldn't breath. I barely ate for 3 months. I lost 60 pounds. I was a wreck. After a while I hated her. I began to feel a deep amount of anger. It was nearly a week so it seemed that I had forgotten her and I was ready to move on, and she called me. I was blown away. Yet I was still angry. I loved her, but I was angry. This became a pattern for some time. She would see me, I would allow it, I wouldn't let it bother me, because I was angry. But deep inside I loved her, so much it was painful. She finally made her move and went to VA for work and that was the end of our love affair.. She would send me the occasional card for my B-day, or Easter, and the occasional email. But nothing more than that. It was one spring day about 12 years ago that my phone rang. It was her. She was going to be in CT and wanted to catch up for lunch. I said OK. Well we met for lunch and she had a ring on her finger. I was crushed. Why was I crushed? I had tried to let her go, I just couldn't. She was so messed up, she thought that I would be happy for her! I was crushed. That is the only way to describe it. I walked back into my office and my office mate said that I looked like death warmed over. Well it had in my heart. I had to move on, I had no choice. She was the only one I ever wanted to marry. Well she was gone now...........On new year evening 2009 at 12:14 AM my cell phone rang. It was her. I was at a party at my friends house and I went upstairs to an empty bedroom and lay down and talked. I had the lights off, and we just talked. She told me that her husband and her were getting a divorce, and they have two kids. Well you know what I did? I told her. I took the plunge. I told her that I still loved her, I never stopped loving her. That my life has been an absolute horror show of failed relationships, one night stands, treating women like garbage. Just 10 years of misery. A decade of being completely empty inside. She told me that she loved me that night. She told me that she knew she made a mistake when she married him a year after they were married. So here I am. It's the middle of November 2010, and she'll be officially divorced in about a week. MD law is so difficult. Here is my question. Why do I feel sick to my stomach when I think about her with her Ex? I feel so sick when I think about the past. She rejected me then, I wasn't good enough then, why am I good enough now? Am I making a terrible mistake? I live in MD now. She says she loves me. The past is haunting me. I don't know how to feel happy and confident. But one thing is for sure. I truly love her with every ounce of my god given heart...I just want to feel happy about us. Is this for real?
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affair, crush, divorce, fell in love, her ex, move on, one night stand Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, TruongD  +, writes (20 November 2010):
I may be young.. but I have a feeling that the next 10 years of my life will be the same.. Loving the girl I love, and not ever really being able to move on. Even if things actually work out for you — I wouldn't exactly be happy that the girl I love spent all that time with different men because she wasn't into me or satisfied by me. If that's the case, I would feel like runner up.. It took her that long to figure out what she missed out. I am just trying to be honest, and maybe this is what you are feeling right now..? Good luck my friend!
A
female
reader, Nouvelle32 +, writes (19 November 2010):
I understand where you are coming from... If my ex came back begging, I would probably feel just like you because I loved him more than I've ever loved anything and he just sh** all over that. When someone you love betrays you and you lose your trust, that's a hard thing to forgive... But true love means forgiveness and if she's sincere, then you have to forgive her to move forward. You are truly lucky... some people don't get a second chance at true love, so don't waste it. Again, just make sure she's sincere and if so, give her a break and move forward from this day on and forget the past. Trust me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): do not take this the wrong way please.. forrest gump .. screams at me .
I don't know. He married Jenny.
Follow your heart. If you love her, then simply , love her.
Life's a box of chocolates, Forrest. You never know what you're gonna get.
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A
male
reader, JB3000 +, writes (19 November 2010):
JB3000 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response. She has promised to marry me. She wants us to have children together. And I don't believe that she is using me to get through this part of her life. I am just having a very hard time dealing with the past. dealing with the way things happened. The way it all went down. I'm so sick of feeling sick about the past. She has given me no reason to doubt her. She regrets her behavior towards me. I am counting my blessings, but I am so worried that I can't forgive her. People make mistakes, I know that. The past is the past. I absolutely feel ill thinking of her being with her ex. It is the most horrible feeling, nightmares..So tired....It's me, not her.
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A
female
reader, Nouvelle32 +, writes (18 November 2010):
I almost think it's sweet that you loved someone for so long... You must be a great guy, but also a little foolish ;) My question is, has she made you any promises? Did she promise to marry you or be with you after the divorce is final? You should definitely listen to your head first and foremost and your heart as a secondary, and tread lightly... this woman obviously hurt you in the past, but hey, everyone makes mistakes. Has she apologized for anything? It seems that she has caused you a great deal of pain, so unless she is willing and ready to make up for it now, then she may just be using you because you are giving her attention while she is going through a difficult spot in her life. Since you were the one who was dumped in the past, I think it's only fair that you ask her some pertinent questions and that she be able to answer you with complete honesty... she owes you at least that much. Nobody wants to be alone, but sometimes we need to realize that some people aren't worth our time. I would love to hope for the best, but sometimes you just need to examine the situation more closely... your heart is an important thing to give and you need to make sure she is worthy. I would hate to see you fall back head over heals and then have history repeat itself. I'm not saying these situations cannot work, but proceed with caution... that's all I'm saying.
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