A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my girlfriend for a while now, and the only worry iv really had is about the age difference (3 years), but that turned out to be ok after me meeting her dad and her parents being ok with me.although im 16 and shes 13 (16 is the legal age of consent here in the UK), and the other night she gave me the impression that she may soon want sex.for most people this wouldnt be a problem but as i said shes underage, she looks older than she is (when i first met her i thought she was the same age as me), and shes really mature for her age.the only thing that im worrying about is the fact that shes underage.im not sure what i should do when shes ready.should i wait untill shes of legal age?or am i worrying about nothing? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): You should talk to her about it =)
if she feels like she is ok to have sex then does it matter if she is legal? X
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): Hi Mr Anonymous UK, thanks for the update, that was very kind and thoughtfull of you.
I wish you and your girlfriend well. I know how hard (pun intended) this will be for you, and I can see how much you care. Remind her of the penalties and dangers you will suffer if things get out of hand. It is possible to wait, but it will be very difficult. Your the man, she's the child, remember that and try very hard to keep things in control. We are here to help, anytime you need to talk, please give us a call.
Take care of you, take care of her. Our blessings go with you. Hugs.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey just thought id give you guys an update
ive recently spoke to her about slowing things down, i had to go on for a bit but it seems to of sunk in
also i would like to clear up for everyone, if and when we have sex no matter when it is, theres no way id ever do it unprotected
thanks for all your answers
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): Sorry everyone. One last thing. The NHS in the UK run a 24/7 telephone advice service. http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/index.aspx. You can contact them on 0845 4647 if you need emergency advice on contraception and pregnancy. Don't be afraid, call them, they are there to help. They have special services for teenagers in the UK and are able to provide advice and support.
There is also the morning after pill, when must be taken within 72 hours (sooner not later) that prevents pregnancy. Please keep this girl safe or otherwise, just walk away.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): Hi NikitaDisraeli, there are a few benefits to waiting until the age of the age of 18-21 to have sex. By that time everyone is fully through puberty and can be considered an fully grown adult. At many teens are still growing 16. And early sex increases the risk of things like cervical cancer, don't forget a smear test is due once you start having sex.
Hi Dear Caller, I think your situation may be different and I would love you to update. My advice is meant for your situation only because I think things are slightly different from these usual type of posts.
This girl is very young, she's only 13 no mater how she looks and acts. Her parents have given you permision for a reason, they trust you. It's intresting when you say, "she may soon want sex" rather than "both of us are ready" or "I really want to have sex"... Very funny use of words, I've never seen this one before.... That and the fact that you've come to us in confidence, leads me to believe that they just might be right to trust you with their favourite girl. I hope you haven't acted on the sex thing, I hope you have deserved their trust and respect. There are not many parents that would dare allow a 16year old to date their young daughter so you really must have impressed. Did you start dating at a younger age?
Please update your situation, it's confidential and you are amongst friends, we care for the welfare of you and this young girl and we hope things will go well.
But I think in this situation I can see the dilema. Your 16, right, not long out of school. Your used to being around girls her age group. She looks fully grown for her age and in maturity and sense, she is no different from you. I was probably fully developed from the age of 10. It sure made things difficult. But as you know it's up to you, the older wiser man to make things right.
First put a condom in your pocket and make sure it's in date, keep it close when she's around. This is not for use, it's for emergencies. Sometimes things happen, and you need to keep her absolute safe. Both of your hormones must be raging, and your probably afraid that she will make the first move. It's really a case of strength and will power, you must keep things LEGAL and above board. You have no choice really, the alternative will be much, much worse. Keep in company and public as much as you can. Spend time on activities that keep hands and minds off sex. This is gonna be difficult, but for the next 3years she's gonna be your favourite-no-sex-gilfriend. Boy this is rough, but she's sensible, she will also know that this is true. Talk about the issue together, make some agreements about your no-sex relationship. Something that makes you both happy and allows you to feel comfortable.
If you have sex with this girl after you gained her parents trust, they will destroy you, and you will definately go to jail. You present as aged 16-17 and currently living in the UK, you say your girlfriend is 13 and you are dating her with her parents consent. If you have sex with her or get her pregnant, they will prosecute you to the full extent of the law.
Your facing a posible jail sentance under current British law. They can get you for grooming a minor, if you dated her and then had sex with her before she was 17years. You can be put on the sex offenders register, a list you stay for life. They can even push to jail you as a paedophile because your overage and she is so young. Pregnancy, and you go to the CSA and the take all your money for the next 18years. The list is endless, so try to be sensible and safe.
Anyway, sorry I talked so much, yet again. I wish you luck and be good.
...............................
A
female
reader, Hadouken! +, writes (8 July 2008):
 I agree with the rest of the aunts. You should really wait until she is 16. I lost my virginity at 15 with my 15 year old boyfriend of 6 months and I regret it to this day. At the time I was sure I was ready, I used a condom and I was already on the pill. You don't realise what a mistake you've made until after the sex. I'm not saying it will be the same for you, you may really enjoy it and you may not regret it at all. On the down side, it is illegal and if anybody reported it to the police you'd be in prison for having sexual relations with a minor. Think about it very carefully before you rush into anything, you've got your whole life to have sex, why rush this year?
Take care x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): I'm sorry but the older aunts don't seem to remember what it's like to be a teenager. A year or two meant so much in school! I remember it clearly (I'm 18) When I was 16, I never heard or saw a 16yr old dating an 13yr old girl or boy. It's just not right. You say she's mature! I got a 13yr old sister so I know what these pretty older looking girls look like, deep inside their kids and SHE WILL REGRET IT, I promise you that. Who's proud of losing it at a young age?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Please don't do it; you will create lots of problems for yourself;
Her parents trust you; if they had to find out; all hell will break loose;
She is underage and you can face legal charges for rape and all sorts of things;
up untill she reached 16 it should not be a consideration;
Please listen to your brains and not your hormones;
Good Luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): I don't agree in the slightest with what 'cupidguy' says - there is no point whatsoever waiting until she's 18/22, UNLESS she doesn't want sex until then. I first had sex when I was 14, and I think this WAS too early. However, by the time I was 16, I was very definitely totally clued up on methods of contraception, and on the possible consequences of my actions.
The age of consent in the UK is 16, and if she is happy to have sex when she turns 16, then go for it. Wait until then, though. At this age, you guys may not use all the due caution you should, and there could be mistakes. Also, she may decide she isn't ready all too late. Just give it till she's 16.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Oh no, honey, she's only 13 - no matter how old she looks or acts, she's still a child and is still underage. You're the older one and you will get in trouble if anyone finds out, whether you are the age of consent or not. It all comes down to the fact that she isn't.
It may upset her if you tell her No, but to be honest, she may thank you in the long run. At her age, she's not thinking of the reprecussions of having sex, much less the risks. Sex in real life is not as glamorous as it looks in the movies.
And again, she may think she's ready, but at her age, she's too young, let her do some growing first.
You need to talk with your girlfriend and if she does confirm that she does want to have sex with you, you need to tell her why you can't.
If you're still together in 3 years? Go for it.
But the best option is to wait.
Hope this helps!
xo
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Hi,
I'm just about 13, and I barely make-out with my girlfriend. Now your 16, but your girlfriend is 13, and your thinking about sex? Man, I'm not trying to put you down, but first of all, good job realising that she is too young to have sex, and if that is all she wants, I think you should break up with her. Even if you use a condom, she may still get pregnant, then you have a pregnant 13 year old, probably with angry parents, then what? Abortion, adoption, jus giving birth in general, and then if she gives birth and keeps the child, you must be a parental figure at 16 or 17 years of age, so no more wild parties, you need to grow up, get a job and suport you family...at that young? If you still consider sex as an option, then that's your choice, but if I were you, I'd wait until you are both older, at least out of high school maybe even college.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Hey sweet,
Way to worry. Listen to your gut feeling. Don't have sex with her yet because of the legalities but also because while she may think that she's emotional and physically prepared for sex, she isn't. 13 is to young to really appreciate sex and be able to really enjoy it. When she's of legal age, she'll be able to handle it and your relationship together.
I think it is best to wait, for her, for you, and for your relationship. Way to watch out for the both of you and ask this question! Clearly, you're a great boyfriend!
xx India
...............................
A
female
reader, dangerouslove. +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Just keep the thoughts in mind.. Have a good talk with her when she is ready and make sure that is truly what she wants. I cannot tell you NOT to have sex with her, because quite frankly.. I lost my virginty at thirteen with a sixteen year old and it actually turned out quite perfectly, because I felt I was ready at that time.
If you do decide to do it, make sure you use protection! You don't want your thirteen year old girlfriend pregnant. It's alot to think about, alot of risks. Just make your both ready for it.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Yes wait. 13?????? She is a child. My daughter is still a virgin at 16 and at 13 was nowhere near ready to have sex. Her opinion not mine. You are of legal age and she isnt. You will be the one in trouble. If she is the one then wait for her to be legal. x
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): yes wait! the law doesn't care how old she looks or acts - if shes underage, shes underage end of story.
Just one scenario - say you do sleep together and all is fine, but then you two break up and things go a little sour. She could then go to the police and tell them you were having sex while she underage - it could come back at you horribly if things were to go wrong in the future. So even if just to cover your own back, please don't!
...............................
|
