A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for almost 16 years and it has been a sexless marriage. He is nice and responsible and we have a daughter. I did tell him a couple of months ago that I did not want to be married anymore. I started talking with a person at work and one thing led to another, we have been intimate, and he transferred to my workgroup. His manager is a female and is known as a role in the hay (she too is married and so is he)she is hitting on him hard. He is acting weird and does a privacy change on his number when he calls me so it does not show. I have fallen for him so hard and I really hate it. I think of him constantly and I am thinking about her/him also. I feel sick, how can I get out of this without being a fool, somehow gracefully?
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male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (22 July 2007):
 You know what you need to do. You're not committed to him, nor is he to you. Go back to your husband and straighten that mess out first. You can't look for true love when you're in a relationship already, the "thing on the side" will be based on lies and deceit. If you want to stay married, then stay married, and stop cheating. If you keep cheating, I promise you won't like yourself in the end when your husband and whoever else finds out. Be real to yourself, be happy, love life, it's too damn short. Decide what you want and do it.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Then the first thing you need to do is to think ahead and look for another place to live. You of course need to talk with your husband and tell him it's not working any more. And the sooner you finish this relationship with your work colleague the better. Concentrate on you and your daughter and what is best for you both. Remember to let your husband know that although you are ending the marriage, he is still entitled to see his daughter so he doesn't need to worry about that. Explain to him exactly why you can't live with him any more ie his moods, the weed to name just 2 things.
It's never easy to break up a marriage, someone always gets hurt but for your own peace of mind, future happiness and for the sake of your daughter it's for the best. Just be strong and assertive about it and you'll be fine.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is much deeper, he smokes weed 5 out of 7 days, he seems to be depressed. It has not been a joyous union for 10 of the almost 16 years. I just want to be free,(I have been contemplating leaving for over 2 years) I just hate I got so emotionally involved with my friend. My stomach gets in knots I am not good at this, however i would like to learn from my mistakes so when I am single I will be a little wiser.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (22 July 2007):
You tell him what happened between you was a mistake and it won't be happening again. Let him know what went on between you won't go any further but you've decided to end it before anyone gets hurt. At least that way you have some self respect and can save face with YOU making the decision to end it. (Don't let him know you know about him and this other female). Then you have a big decision to make regarding you and your husband. Is it just the sex that's the downfall in your marriage or does it go deeper than that?
Eve
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