A
female
age
26-29,
*oxoali
writes:i am a seventeen year old girl who is looking to start dating a twenty two year old. i dont know what he wants in our relationship: to settle down or just sex? he often tells me how attractive he thinks i am and that seems to be all he talks about. i dont want to get hurt and i dont know what hes looking for. help! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (26 April 2013):
Tell him that you wont have sex until after you are married.
His ACTIONS (not WORDS, ACTIONS) over the next month will give you your answer with no ambiguity.
A
male
reader, TeardropsOnMyGuitar  +, writes (26 April 2013):
He wants sex.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 April 2013):
 I think it's a little too early to decide this for EITHER of you. YOU are only 17, sorry there is NO hurry in settling down with anyone just yet.
And I agree with Tisha's answer. He seems to think all he has to do is flatter the crap out of you and you will be a happy little GF.
Figure out what you want in a guy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 April 2013):
 I love Tisha’s answer! Before we talk about what HE wants in a relationship what do YOU want in a relationship? Why is it that what HE wants is more important than what YOU want.
I will tell you what HE wants. HE wants to get laid. I can promise you that. NO man of 22 who is mature would be interested in a young lady of 17 no matter how mature she is. He’s interested in how HOT you look and how lovely you look on his arm and how when you are not there he says to his friends “HOW cool am I, I’m HITTING THAT!”
What do you two do together? Dinner? Movies? Homework? Working on your term papers? Studying for chem together?
IF you want to know if he only wants sex, it’s easy…give him NONE… no sexting. No dirty pictures, no necking sessions, no sitting on his lap and cuddling… NO being home alone without mommy and daddy around. To be honest, if my 17 yr old wanted to date a 22 year old, I would have said NO… but I think now I might say “fine but ONLY double dates with me and dad…. NEVER alone with him in our home, his home or his car” and see how fast Mr. 22 year sticks around.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2013): Sorry my dear this is a grown adult who wants something from you and it is not love. He just wants your body for sex. It sickens me to think that these operators are out there exploiting or trying to do so with teens like yourself. Get up enough courage to tell this low life where to go. Avoid him altogether. Society is getting really soft in the brain. Avoid this situation altogether. For your own safety and peace of mind. Take Care...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2013): I'm an 18 year old girl, and I still wouldn't date a 22 year old guy. I've seen the trend, every girl I've known that dates an older guy has ended up crushed and hurt, abused or taken advantage of, or pregnant and stuck with him.
Think of it this way, he's four years older than you. Where is your mind at now? Four years ago, what were you focused on? That's like you dating a 13 year old. It's just as bad. He's got four years of experience on you, I think men that date teens are just in it to manipulate you, use you for your body. That's my first impression anyway.
Now if you really think he's a good guy and you feel it will go somewhere, it's time to have a very serious talk with him, and even then don't let yourself be fooled by nice words.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 April 2013):
 What do you two have in common? If all he talks about is how attractive you are, don't you get a bit bored with him? I mean, that's a fairly monotonous conversation.
"You are so damn good looking. Wow, I can't believe how great you look today."
"Thank you, you have mentioned that before. Hey, did I tell you about what I did today?"
"Let me guess, you went and made yourself even hotter."
"Um, no, I finished my AP Biology class project and I think I've decided which college I want to go to!"
"That's cool, babe, hey, come sit here on my lap and tell me about it."
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If you don't know what he's looking for then maybe hold off dating him until you have a clear picture. How do you guys know each other, do you have mutual friends? Does your family know him? Who else has he dated? Who was his last girlfriend and why did their relationship end?
Just some questions for you to think on and gain some perspective on whether he's worthy enough to date.
One more thing, just because he's an older guy doesn't make him automatically a great choice for you. We old OOOOOOLLLLLDDDD ancient really old people know one thing: when a guy has to dip into the teen-age dating pool, he may not have it all going on, if you know what I mean. He may be socially awkward or unable to attract girls his own age. Not saying that's this guys case, just saying it's something to pay attention to.
As in, if you were 22, would you date him? If he were 17, would you date him?
You could make sure he knows you aren't going to be having sex with him for at least 6-9 months and see if that changes his enthusiasm level.
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