A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: i was in a brief serious relationship with a guy who I had been in contact with about a year ago. just recently we became back in touch and decided to try a serious relationship. the only things was that he didn't tell me what his background was and I don't think I remember him telling me that a year ago. he had told me that he couldn't stop thinking about me but couldn't contact me because he had lost his cell phone which had my number on it. we were talking every day about some pretty serious things, marriage, kids, moving in, etc but I told him that we should slow things down and that I need time and space to think and possibly see other people. he is divorced and a little older than me with 3 or 4 kids. he also seemed to be somewhat possessive and jealous and asked me lots of questions about my exes etc. we were trying to get to know each other but he seemed to be in a bit of a rush to settle down and have kids. I considered taking a trip out to see him but I am not sure right now. he also told me that if I became pregnant I would not be able to leave. this makes me kind of uncomfortable and I do not want to rush things. I am also not sure about being in an inter-racial relationship and the cultural differences since I have never been in an inter racial relationship. I am of a European background and he is of a Fijian background. I am not racist at all. any advice would be very helpful and greatly appreciated.
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divorce, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 I agree it does not sound like a good idea to allow this man to possess and control you and I think that's the only way he knows how to have a relationship.
tell him thanks but no thanks
A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (18 May 2011):
Yes. I would cut off contact.
Possessive and jealous = scary. It will only get worse and even when you are not doing anything wrong: he will accuse you.
Cut off contact but prepare yourself for a birrage of emials ; phone calls etc. Don't get sucked back in.
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A
female
reader, oceanlover73 +, writes (18 May 2011):
Thank you very much for the objective insight, it worried me that he wanted me to move in with him and to start having kids right away. And i really don't want to be with someone who is very possessive and controlling and who won't let me see friends or family. I also don't want or need someone that would be very possessive and controlling everything i do, everything i wear, everyone i talk to or go to see for coffee or lunch etc. I have seen this on tv about husbands/lovers who are very controlling and possessive and i don't think i would ever want to be in that situation, especially if it meant fearing for my life, or any kids, my safety, being physically, mentally or emotionally abused and where police might be involved. i am definitely going to stay away from him and not have any contact from him at all anymore.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 May 2011):
You are right that this guy is very possessive and controlling. He is - quite dangerously.
When a man says "if you get pregnant, you won't be able to leave" - that's when you run a mile. Because what he wants is to move on, get you pregnant, then pin you to the house and emotionally abuse you until you do exactly as he wants, when he wants it. But it won't stop there - he'll also prevent you from seeing your family and friends, ruin any chance of a career, force you place assets in his name, start to turn the child against you etc etc.
No wonder he's divorced. His wife probably got wise and got the hell out of there. You should too. You really need to get away from him, or he will ruin your life and the lives of any children who come along.
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