A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Thank you fir reading in advance. Sorry I know it is long. Me and my partner have been together for 4 years and have 2 children together, the youngest of which is 6 weeks. My partners family have not seen our youngest yet as they all live in different city's but all are just a train ride away. I went to my home town when he was 3 week's old (my nan had been very ill and also where his sister lives), we got there late and asked his sister to meet us in the town for a coffee etc. She was not working and was at home doing nothing and said she couldn't as her husband needed the car at a certain time to go to work even tho we told her we was getting the train an HOUR before he was due to leave for work. Before Christmas we asked his mum when she gets her week holiday from work if she could come to us (even offered to paid for her ticket) which is this week... It started on Saturday. We reminded her of it when my son was born and again the week after. We have not spoken to her since (2 weeks ago) He has a brother that has said nothing.. Sent him a picture and have since heard nothing. Now this week I have learnt they are all staying at the brothers... Now we are going to be expected to make our way down to his mother's by train with two young children which will also cost around £150 in travel... Train fair, oyster, taxi... For them her it would cost £50. Which is why we said we would pay for the train as it is cheaper. Problem is my partner is a push over with his family. To me they don't give a crap if they see my kids so why should I?? Whereas planning to go down next month and we really was can't afford it but my partner will insists we still do as his mum hasn't seen our son. How can I tell him tactfully I don't want too and would rather spend money on Bills that would benefit our family. We struggle to paid bills as it is. I don't want to spend money on people who don't care. Am I in the wrong for thinking this way?
View related questions:
cheap, christmas, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 February 2014):
 OP, just because you share blood with them does not make them family. IF they do not live up to your expectations or desires of what a family is, then disregard them and make your own family out of close friends.
FAMILY to me is different than relatives.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2014): OP here...
Just to clarify I don't want anyone to "drop everything" and see my son.
I'm fed up of us always making the effort with his family and getting no consideration when plans are make.
His family have never come to our place but go to each other's. I stupidly thought that having a new baby they would, for once, make an effort. They make there selfs out to be very family orientated but in reality towards us the are anything but.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
Sageoldguy lives up to his name today...
he said tell them this: "We can't wait for you to see our new addition... but - at the moment - finances are tight, so we'll "pass" on coming to visit you... and will keep the baby around, and look forward to the next opportunity to get together and show him/her off to you."
and I agree.
"Mom we would love for you to meet Jr. But I'm sure you can understand that with a new baby finances are tight... we can't manage a trip down to you... maybe you can make it next time you have off"
yes the baby is the light of your life but he's not the center of everyone's world and you seemed a bit miffed that they did not drop everything and run to meet this new bundle of joy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2014): You are the one who seems to care about showing off your new offspring... It seems reasonable to me that you should make the effort and expense - especially since you already have shown your own family.
It is your second kid, chances are it is just not as big of a deal to everyone else. Why not wait until they have a chance to come down, instead of making such a big deal of it? It is only a baby.. and it will be around for a long time - what is the rush?
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2014):
 I would go on Sageoldguy's advice, and put it more like this to your partner,
"I would like for your family to meet the new baby, and we have had a couple of opportunities for them to do so. Maybe when we have better finances we can pay for all of us to travel but for now it would be more financially feasible for your mother to come visit us if we pay for it."
You do sound very estranged from his family. What has happened that you have reached this point of resentment and ill will and indifference? Perhaps if that is addressed as part of the discussion with him, it will help you make your point to your partner.
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (18 February 2014):
 You are not at all to blame for wanting to avoid traveling with a 6-week-old baby when money is tight. Explain to your MIL that you'd love for her to see the baby but can't afford to make the trip this minute. If she has an interest in seeing her grandchild, she's JUST as capable of coming to see you as you are of packing up two young kids and a husband and taking all sorts of public transportation you can barely afford.
Good luck and best wishes.
...............................
A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (17 February 2014):
 Greetings,No you aren't wrong for thinking this, my own parents had issues with their grandparents on my father's side and things grew ugly.The one thing I can say is never bottle this up or else you'll end up saying something you'll regret.Being tactful in this situation would be difficult without pointing out the issue. I would say sit your husband down and talk with him about how you feel and he will do one of three things,1.) Dismiss your concerns as weak2.) Understand and discuss with you how best to sort this.3.) Say he will try to do something and then weaken when facing his parents.All you can do is stand your ground about these things and if your parents-in-law won't play fair then remember you married him not his parents
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 February 2014):
 The only peculiarity that I see in your submittal is that you seem to think that all your in-laws can't wait to see your newborn... and you are miffed because they have asked you (and hubby) to bring the baby to them....
Consider this: Nothing terrible is likely to happen if you say to (hubby and) his family: "We can't wait for you to see our new addition... but - at the moment - finances are tight, so we'll "pass" on coming to visit you... and will keep the baby around, and look forward to the next opportunity to get together and show him/her off to you."
Then, go on with life, and wait for that "next opportunity" to present itself....
Good luck....
...............................
|
