A
male
age
36-40,
*anBing
writes:Hi all. I have been with my girlfriend just over 3 months now and I am totally in love with her and I do really believe that she loves me and things are amazing most of the time. However I have a jealousy/trust issue. I checked her phone this morning whilst she was in the shower and I found some messages that I really didn't like the look of! They were ones sent to her but still.she deletes her sent messages so I dont know what she said to him..but he sent ones arranging to meet up to watch a film (2nite i think) and various other ones from this guy. They work together. She has lots of male friends which I am cool with and I feel really bad for not trusting her.She has a history of cheating which she promises she has got over, it ruined her last relationship so she said she would never do it again. How can i confront her about this if at all, as I am in the wrong aswell for checking her phone! I am sooo scared of losing her if i confront her about this but I cant deal with not knowing. Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): Yes, but how do you know she was in her bed?? You aren't jumping to conclusions if she got a message from a guy asking her to a movie, then she says she's too tired to see you. She could have called you from anywhere!! I don't want to scare you, but us women can be pretty sneaky if we have to be. What you should do is to not confront her, like sweet thing said. Be smart about it and keep snooping without her knowledge. Then do some more detective work. If she calls & says she's home tired, drive by her place & see if her car is there. Do something to investigate furthur, and put your mind at ease, or bust her & end it. usually when ppl. are suspicious that their partner is cheating, it's b/c they are. I am sorry, but you should be smarter & like I said confirm where she says she is by simply driving by. She doesn't have to know about it.
A
male
reader, DanBing +, writes (1 August 2007):
DanBing is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much sweet thing, great advice!!
I did get an excuse. That she was too tired but i would see her tomorrow.
I once again immidiately jumped to conclusions assuming she had gone to meet him however about an hour and a half later I got a call from her, sounded like she was genuinely in her flat in bed!
To be honest this isn't the first time Iv had a scare like this that ended up being nothing!
I am constantly paranoid, because I love her but I know that this attitude will eventually ruin things! She doesnt know that I am paranoid, I have kept it from her which is why i decided to snoop today. I had never looked at her phone before!
What can I do to start dealing with this?
I am normally such a chilled out person, dont let anything bother me but as soon as I got in this relationship that all changed!
Any advice people?
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (1 August 2007):
 I wouldn't confront her at all right now, just use the information to see if there's anything going on. She won't be too happy about the fact that you've been snooping through her phone so wait and see if anything develops from these messages. For instance, you said she rec'd. an invite from this guy to go to a film tonight. Well, why don't you see if she cooks up an excuse to be away from you tonight? "Sorry honey, but I have to work late...." or, "I'm going out with a couple of girlfriends after work." If he mentioned what film he wanted to see, it would be easy to just show up at the theater and bust them. Then you could confront her about THAT, and she'd never even know you snooped through her phone and found the information first hand. You could always say you were bored and decided to go see a movie, never realizing you might bump into her out with another guy. Snooping is always a dangerous thing so if you feel the need to do this, you have to handle it very carefully. What you hope for, is that after you've snooped for awhile, you'll realize you have nothing to worry about, and then you can STOP snooping. But usually it's just the opposite that happens. You start finding things you don't like, and then it opens up a whole new mess you have to figure out how to deal with. Rather than confronting her right away, just watch for other signs that indicate she might be cheating with this guy (or others) and go from there.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (1 August 2007):
 You will just have to wait n see.If its tonight the cinema, see if she wants to see you tonight.If she has male friends as the norm then it could just be one of them?Not too sure i would jump to the conclusion of her cheating just yet.More evidence needed me thinks.C xxxx
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