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age
30-35,
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writes: my husband and i have been married for 8 months and he wants 2 have sex, he tells me hes not forcing me, but i feel like it,i really want to. im a virgin and i wanna have sex so bad,im scared, i've told him this, he asks me why. i tell him we're both virgins and we dont know what its like, i had alot of confidince but then i read somthing online that it could be painful and i could bleed and im scared more that ever, any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2012): Just take it slowly. Start out with oral sex, he gives it to you until you orgasm- don't even consider intercourse until you have done this a few times and you get to know each other's bodies- give him orgasms too- touching each other all over, licking etc., tons of kissing and overall foreplay. Don't make him penetrating you a priority and don't force it. Try different angles/positions to see what works good when you do try for that.
Eventually it will happen and you shouldn't really have a lot of pain if any at all. I don't think I even had a hymen, many women don't, I didn't have any bleeding and zero pain my first time, some minor stinging was it. The only thing I noticed was some tightness in my thigh muscles later that day. Use lube if you need it and make sure you both wash and pee before and after intercourse when you do it- this will help avoid uti infections.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (6 March 2012):
 It doesn't have to hurt. The main reason it often hurts is because the woman isn't properly aroused. It's not the hymen tearing that generally hurts, it's the fact that an unaroused vagina is very tight and dry. The act of losing your virginity does not stretch out your vagina or change it in any way. My advice to first timers, make sure your partner can bring you to orgasm another way before trying for intercourse. Before you actually have intercourse, you should get close to orgasm so you know you are aroused enough. You should also buy some GOOD lube, as that will make things go a lot smoother. Put a pea sized dab at the opening of your vagina (inside the inner labia) and another at the tip of his penis on the outside of the condom. You can have him do this as part of foreplay. Make sure he's wearing a condom as well, before any penetration happens. When he's done, make sure he grabs the base of the condom before pulling out.
It really doesn't have to hurt. It can, but so can a lot of things that can also feel good. Don't think of it in the sense of pain and bleeding. The bleeding comes from the hymen tearing, which you shouldn't feel when it happens. Most women do not feel this happen during sex. I know mine broke and I did not feel it happen. I think about half of women have already torn theirs at some point anyways, from bikes or gymnastics or other activities. So that just leaves the stretching feeling, which is very easy to avoid. This doesn't have to be scary. Don't go reading through forums about how painful it is, that's counterproductive. You're just winding yourself up about it. I noticed when I was in a high school how much teenagers LOVE to talk about how much it hurt, sort of like a pride thing. But hurting just means not aroused, it isn't a given.
If you are REALLY frightened, you can buy a dildo and play around with it first by yourself just to get over the initial fear.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (6 March 2012):
 you both are married , your body belongs to each other. you gave yourself to him in marriage but you are holding back on him from the part of you that should be the closest , most intimate part between husband and wife. you say you have been married for eight months? your between age 22, and 25 , and you don't trust your husband enough to show his love to you? do you trust your husband? do you trust him with your love? it sounds like he has been very patent with you. why do you think he would not be patent with you during your first love making attempt. i take it he cares a great deal for you, and loves you a great deal. he has not rushed you , he has not pushed you, you ought to think of that. you are giving yourself to each other, it is not a selfish act between husband and wife. if their is fear of the first time , your trust in your husband should make you feel secure and safe. you know he loves you he has been patent with you and is going to be gentle with you.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (6 March 2012):
 I CAN help, but my advice to you on how to proceed is too explicit for the public forum and the moderators would block it, so PM me and I will reply with some easy stages for you and him to go through to achieve your goal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): Do NOT do anything you're not comfortable with! If he really loves you he won't be forcing you into anything. If he kept pressuring you into sex then this is all what he wants, and you're much better off without him.
You're a young beautiful princess, and you should do things only when YOU want to do them, and feel 100% comfortable doing so.
xxx
Emily
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (6 March 2012):
 Hello,
If you are both married then continue to sleep together, enjoy bed time and without any timetables you could eventually relax and start sex. No rushing, yjust enjoy eachother's company in an intimate setting. Familiarity and love will help make you relax more.
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